Vending machines often present me with moral dilemmas.
For example, the other day I went to buy a fabulous diet caffeine-filled drink from the ancient vending machine in the teacher's lounge. This machine demands exact change. I'm not kidding... and, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't even have a functional change return. It strictly enforces its demands by refusing to vend anything at all unless you put in exacly 60 cents. I think we'd all agree that that is the prerogative of the machine. Well, I am more than happy to obey in order to make it through a long day. I put in my 60 cents... and it delivered my drink... and an additional 5 cents.
The whole problem is the impersonality inherent in vending machines. If I went to a store and they gave me extra money back it would be easy to return, but when it happens with a vending machine, who could possibly be contacted? And honestly, if they were contacted, they would probably think it was ridiculous. And it is. Okay... 5 cents... not really a big deal. BUT, I don't want freaking 5 cents on my conscience.
I know this is sounding absolutely absurd, but I'm serious. One time I bought a granola bar... and got two. I was seriously annoyed. The real problem is that it super much frustrates me when things don't work like they're supposed to and I feel like I'm cheating someone. I would rather the dumb thing just ate my money. That is a more comfortable feeling. I guess the secondary issue is I'm not quite selfless enough to just leave the nickel/granola bar there for the next person. I did, however, give the extra granola bar to someone in the class I was running late for and sure I was going to die of hunger in.
Truly, it is an impossible dilemma.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Anxiety Attack Catalysts (Part 1)
-*- Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow. I (in my heart) believe it will be okay, but I feel this gloomy foreboding everytime I think about it.
-*- I got a refill of a prescription today for a medicine that I've been taking for like a month. Today, however, there are completely different warnings on the bottle. Fantastic. Apparently you're not supposed to lie down within half an hour of taking this medicine... that I've been taking right before bed. What a weird warning. Have I been like poisoning my brain by lying down within that half hour? Probably.
-*- 4 out of 5 nights of the week I see cops busting someone on my street. Usually they're pulling over cars, but sometimes they're at neighbor's houses. Should I feel comforted or terrified?
-*- My carbon monoxide detector keeps going off randomly. Maybe the battery is dying, or, maybe there is a poisonous gas oozing through my apartment. Whatev.
-*- My career search starts in approximately 2.5 weeks and I still don't have a functional resume, let alone a portfolio. Oh, plus, thanks to the economic crisis several school districts have a freeze on hiring. Great news for new teachers and supporters of a 40:1 student to teacher ratio in the classroom.
-*- I got a refill of a prescription today for a medicine that I've been taking for like a month. Today, however, there are completely different warnings on the bottle. Fantastic. Apparently you're not supposed to lie down within half an hour of taking this medicine... that I've been taking right before bed. What a weird warning. Have I been like poisoning my brain by lying down within that half hour? Probably.
-*- 4 out of 5 nights of the week I see cops busting someone on my street. Usually they're pulling over cars, but sometimes they're at neighbor's houses. Should I feel comforted or terrified?
-*- My carbon monoxide detector keeps going off randomly. Maybe the battery is dying, or, maybe there is a poisonous gas oozing through my apartment. Whatev.
-*- My career search starts in approximately 2.5 weeks and I still don't have a functional resume, let alone a portfolio. Oh, plus, thanks to the economic crisis several school districts have a freeze on hiring. Great news for new teachers and supporters of a 40:1 student to teacher ratio in the classroom.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I'm Sort of a Walking Disaster
I'm feeling a little... better, actually. The weekend was complete with one of those "I'm pretty sure I've ruined my life, but it doesn't really matter because I could probably find some minor amount of happiness in working at a fastfood restaurant, selling my non-essential organs on eBay, or perhaps just never leaving my house again and thereby earning money as a freaky hermit tourist attraction if only this could just end" breakdowns. Fortunately, thanks to a few good friends at school and a large vanilla Coke, things are looking a little more bearable. Keeping that in mind....
I nearly impaled a student today while I tried to fix my stapler. A nice girl nonetheless. Obviously completely unintentional. Perhaps along with Marxism, Postcolonialism, New Historicism, etc. someone maybe might have taken the time to teach me how to un-jam a stapler. Apparently, if you slide a certain part in a certain way it will release the spring and a hundred sharp little staples and the platform they sit on (?) will launch 5-6 ft. across the room. And, you will feel like a terrible person/a moron.
Also... SURPRISE mid-term evaluations! Hoo...ray? Really, not that bad. In fact, I did pretty well. But, I probably looked like I was going to pass out when my university supervisor showed up. Which is dangerous, because jr. high kids can smell fear like sharks smell blood.
Which brings me to the end of the day. To deal with stress/prevent another breakdown I:
*bought myself Cafe Rio for dinner
*changed into my favorite sweats immediately
*watched a scary movie (which I will regret later tonight, I'm sure)
*watched a depressing and disturbing show about child beauty pagents
*read several witty blogs
*did NOT do my dishes (they aren't going anywhere)
*In a minute, I might go put gas in my car and indulge in another vanilla Coke. Of course, it would be very unwise to develop an immunity to caffeine, so I better be careful with that.
I nearly impaled a student today while I tried to fix my stapler. A nice girl nonetheless. Obviously completely unintentional. Perhaps along with Marxism, Postcolonialism, New Historicism, etc. someone maybe might have taken the time to teach me how to un-jam a stapler. Apparently, if you slide a certain part in a certain way it will release the spring and a hundred sharp little staples and the platform they sit on (?) will launch 5-6 ft. across the room. And, you will feel like a terrible person/a moron.
Also... SURPRISE mid-term evaluations! Hoo...ray? Really, not that bad. In fact, I did pretty well. But, I probably looked like I was going to pass out when my university supervisor showed up. Which is dangerous, because jr. high kids can smell fear like sharks smell blood.
Which brings me to the end of the day. To deal with stress/prevent another breakdown I:
*bought myself Cafe Rio for dinner
*changed into my favorite sweats immediately
*watched a scary movie (which I will regret later tonight, I'm sure)
*watched a depressing and disturbing show about child beauty pagents
*read several witty blogs
*did NOT do my dishes (they aren't going anywhere)
*In a minute, I might go put gas in my car and indulge in another vanilla Coke. Of course, it would be very unwise to develop an immunity to caffeine, so I better be careful with that.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Some Messages For the World (kind of a rant)
To: People Who Disappear Off the Face of the Earth When You Most Want/Need them Around
Jerks. To you, I offer this empty threat: someday I will ignore you when you want/need my attention. EXCEPT, I won't. Because I am truly trying to be a good person.
To: The HBLL
Told you so.
To: A Certain Credit Union that Has Suspended My Account
I don't even have an account with you, so that's probably for the best. Also, thanks for texting me that information late on Friday night and then being closed on Saturday. That makes it convenient for me to figure out whether or not my identity has been stolen.
To: My 4th Period Class (4 kids in particular)
I know you don't like me; that's fine. I don't like you either.
To: Friends Who Actually Come Through for You
Thanks. I like you better than the rest.
To: Jane Eyre, Anne Shirley, Christy Huddleston, Jo March, Laura Ingalls, and Every Other Brilliant Literary Character who was an English Teacher at Some Point
You may have inadvertently been part of my motivation to do what I'm doing right now. I sort of blame you for the intense stress of my life due to this decision. IF, however, the part where I find someone as fantastic as Gilbert Blythe to help me cope happens as well, you are forgiven.
To: A Certain Nice Guy with Gilbert Blythe Potential
: )
To: Rick and Jarom
Thanks for giving me a reason to end my rant. Ice cream does fix everything.
Jerks. To you, I offer this empty threat: someday I will ignore you when you want/need my attention. EXCEPT, I won't. Because I am truly trying to be a good person.
To: The HBLL
Told you so.
To: A Certain Credit Union that Has Suspended My Account
I don't even have an account with you, so that's probably for the best. Also, thanks for texting me that information late on Friday night and then being closed on Saturday. That makes it convenient for me to figure out whether or not my identity has been stolen.
To: My 4th Period Class (4 kids in particular)
I know you don't like me; that's fine. I don't like you either.
To: Friends Who Actually Come Through for You
Thanks. I like you better than the rest.
To: Jane Eyre, Anne Shirley, Christy Huddleston, Jo March, Laura Ingalls, and Every Other Brilliant Literary Character who was an English Teacher at Some Point
You may have inadvertently been part of my motivation to do what I'm doing right now. I sort of blame you for the intense stress of my life due to this decision. IF, however, the part where I find someone as fantastic as Gilbert Blythe to help me cope happens as well, you are forgiven.
To: A Certain Nice Guy with Gilbert Blythe Potential
: )
To: Rick and Jarom
Thanks for giving me a reason to end my rant. Ice cream does fix everything.
Friday, January 16, 2009
just sayin'...
-fried rice should be considered a breakfast food
-it would be so, so sweet to run my own bagel shop/juice bar
-if muppets were real, the world would be a better place
-given the choice, I would rather sleep than do almost anything else
-I can't choose a favorite book
-Shakespeare is a genius, but I still hate 12th Night
-Victorian literature has some inexplicable, irresistable appeal to me
-I could be bribed to do almost anything for a slurpie
-custard is an underappreciated dessert food
-sometimes action movies don't make any sense to me. that makes me feel dumber than dumb
-it'd be nice if a certain someone would call and apologize (or never, ever, ever showed their face again)
and I know it's going to be the 2nd half of that, but... just sayin'
-it would be so, so sweet to run my own bagel shop/juice bar
-if muppets were real, the world would be a better place
-given the choice, I would rather sleep than do almost anything else
-I can't choose a favorite book
-Shakespeare is a genius, but I still hate 12th Night
-Victorian literature has some inexplicable, irresistable appeal to me
-I could be bribed to do almost anything for a slurpie
-custard is an underappreciated dessert food
-sometimes action movies don't make any sense to me. that makes me feel dumber than dumb
-it'd be nice if a certain someone would call and apologize (or never, ever, ever showed their face again)
and I know it's going to be the 2nd half of that, but... just sayin'
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What I've Heard about Love (this week)
The other day I overheard a conversation at the jr. high that went something like this:
Girl 1: I am totally not friends with Megan anymore.
Girls 2, 3 and 4 in unison: WHY??
Girl 1: She is totally going out with Matt
Girls 2: That is so selfish!
Girl 1: No it's not! I totally liked him 1st and she knew it.
Girl 3: That is so selfish of you, she's just in love
Girls 2 and 4 in unison: yeah, she's just in love
Girl 3 (dreamily): I know. I was in love once... with Travis.
Yeah... they're in 8th grade.
Also on the subject of love, I've been reading this fantastic book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray, Love. I just started it, but it's very clever and, honestly, pretty inspiring. It's funny how the book you need always seems to find you. Anyway, I pretty much laughed my face off at her analogy of love being like a drug. Here it is:
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you KNOW he has it hidden somewhere... because he USED TO GIVE IT TO YOU FOR FREE). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final desitnation- the complete devaluation of self."
That sounds familiar, a little bit... Love is a dangerous thing. Or, maybe it's actually not. It's all the junk on the way to love, and all the tricky feelings that seem like love, that are dangerous things.
Girl 1: I am totally not friends with Megan anymore.
Girls 2, 3 and 4 in unison: WHY??
Girl 1: She is totally going out with Matt
Girls 2: That is so selfish!
Girl 1: No it's not! I totally liked him 1st and she knew it.
Girl 3: That is so selfish of you, she's just in love
Girls 2 and 4 in unison: yeah, she's just in love
Girl 3 (dreamily): I know. I was in love once... with Travis.
Yeah... they're in 8th grade.
Also on the subject of love, I've been reading this fantastic book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray, Love. I just started it, but it's very clever and, honestly, pretty inspiring. It's funny how the book you need always seems to find you. Anyway, I pretty much laughed my face off at her analogy of love being like a drug. Here it is:
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you KNOW he has it hidden somewhere... because he USED TO GIVE IT TO YOU FOR FREE). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final desitnation- the complete devaluation of self."
That sounds familiar, a little bit... Love is a dangerous thing. Or, maybe it's actually not. It's all the junk on the way to love, and all the tricky feelings that seem like love, that are dangerous things.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Little Free Advertising
I LOVE Masterpiece Theatre.
Seriously, nothing brightens my day like a 2-4 hour version of some classic work of 19th century literature. At this exact moment in time, I am watching Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and quite love it. I realize this is not a passion that most other people share, but that's okay, classic literature is best experienced alone. That way, no one can see you crying when Jane leaves Rochester or when Angel Claire breaks Tess' honest, repentant heart... or the ridiculous smile on your face when Gilbert Markham finds Helen Graham and confesses his love to her, or when Jane hears Rochester crying out across the moors and leaves the attractive, but cold, St. John to go back to him.
So, if this maybe secretly appeals to you... Sundays at 8, KUED. Or, for ultimate literary viewing secrecy, you can get most episodes online at shoppbs.org.
(oh my goodness, just looked at the upcoming episodes, and Wuthering Heights is next! I couldn't be happier!)
Seriously, nothing brightens my day like a 2-4 hour version of some classic work of 19th century literature. At this exact moment in time, I am watching Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and quite love it. I realize this is not a passion that most other people share, but that's okay, classic literature is best experienced alone. That way, no one can see you crying when Jane leaves Rochester or when Angel Claire breaks Tess' honest, repentant heart... or the ridiculous smile on your face when Gilbert Markham finds Helen Graham and confesses his love to her, or when Jane hears Rochester crying out across the moors and leaves the attractive, but cold, St. John to go back to him.
So, if this maybe secretly appeals to you... Sundays at 8, KUED. Or, for ultimate literary viewing secrecy, you can get most episodes online at shoppbs.org.
(oh my goodness, just looked at the upcoming episodes, and Wuthering Heights is next! I couldn't be happier!)
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