Monday, March 30, 2009

Rabbit Holes

Of all the books I've ever read in my life, there is one that I keep coming back to more than any other. It's called The Easter Bunny that Ate My Sister by Dean Marney (and you are probably laughing/in shock that I have read tons of literary masterpieces but this is the novel I chose to write about, but try to get past that). I must've been like 9 or 10 the first time I read it, and I've read it at least once a year every year since then. There is some sort of undeniable and inescapable truth in it for me. And, I have to tell you, that as I sit here thinking about my life tonight, it has hit home once again.

"I want to talk to you about rabbit holes...-not ordinary rabbit holes mind you... First, do any of you know the story of Alice in Wonderland? She was a young woman who went down a rabbit hole and ended up in a world that didn't make any sense to her. She thought everyone around her must be crazy and that she must be crazy, too, didn't she?
"Life is often a mystery, isn't it? Things don't always make sense, do they?... Listen carefully, because rabbit holes are everywhere and you fall down them all the time.
"Bam! Something happens to you and your life changes. Your surroundings no longer look familiar and there are strange people doing strange things- nothing makes sense- everything is crazy, and, like Alice, all you want to do is go home and be safe. When you feel like that you know you've fallen down a rabbit hole (85)."

I've fallen down a rabbit hole. There are strange people doing strange things, nothing looks familiar, and I'm really at a complete loss as to what I am supposed to do in this nonsense world.

Here's the thing about rabbit holes though, "You have a choice. You're down the rabbit hole and you get to choose. You can choose to live in fear or you can choose love. It's very simple (86)."

I choose love.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Moral Compass

*A little background info: in class we're reading a (great!) novel called Al Capone Does My Shirts. Before we started reading it we did tons of research about Alcatraz and Al Capone. Good stuff, like about the "dinner party of death" and such. They loved it, I loved it.

One kid makes a snappy comeback about another kid's comment.
Boy: You just got Al Capone-d!
Me: HA!!!
Now, they all say that after someone gets burned. Love it.

After we read about how Al Capone got cut up in a barroom brawl (and thus became known as Scarface)...
Student: Do you think after Al Capone got really powerful he hunted that guy down and killed him or something?
Me: I hope so.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Hooray! They Like Me! And my shoes.

*"Miss Wardle, I need an A... word in the hall is you're the person I need to see about that."

*Girl (who talks way too much in class): Miss Wardle I like your shoes.
Me: Thanks!
Boy: I like them too. I was going to say it before, but then I would sound gay.

*This made me feel better about my dating life (sorta):
Girls 1&2: Miss Wardle, do you have a boyfriend?
Girl 2: Because we know you don't have a husband.
Me (after debating about lying to sound cooler than I am, and then contemplating the fact that they might like me so much they want to set me up with their cute older brothers): Nope.
Girl 2: Well, do you have friends that are guys?
Me: Yeah, I have a bunch.
Girl 1: Oh, well that's pretty much the same thing. (Girl 2 nods in agreement)

*"So, uh... where're you going to teach next year? Do you think you'll stay here? I hope you get a job here next year and teach something in 8th grade." Complete with awkward, awkward smile. (okay, not as funny, but it was cute... plus I love that he didn't care what I taught as long as it was 8th grade)

*This one is after I missed a day last week for some university stuff:
Girl: How was your meeting?
Me: It was pretty good.
Boy: You're being sarcastic, right?
Me: No, it was really good. Why do you think I'm being sarcastic?
Boy: But, uh, you missed us right? Like, our crazy energy.
Me: Yeah... I did.

I only have three weeks left. It's going to break my heart a little bit to leave. I'm going to miss them hovering around me while I try to work, telling me stories with way too much information, the way they tell me lame jokes like they're great, the way they will stop in to say goodbye before they go home from school... It's worth it.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Let's Face It

Today, I might have seen my ex-boyfriend. The one who lived like everyday was opposite day. As in, everything he said, he was sure to do the opposite of. Including when he said, "Let's definitely still be friends" (with an attempt at a sincere and somewhat endearing smile)... which means, of course, that we haven't spoken in over six months. Which, I would like to add, is 100% fine with me. I didn't actually want to be friends still; I'm just too nice to tell someone what a waste of time jerk they are (to their face anyway). Oh yeah, I was telling a story...

So, I might have seen Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day on campus today. Maybe not though. He was wearing the ridiculously attractive shirt that Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day owns, but he looked up before I could be positive it was him. In case it was Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day, I didn't want him to think I would waste my time even glancing his direction, so I shot him a dirty look, looked away, held my head up high, and went on my way. There is a good chance that this was not the guy I thought it was, but it felt sort of nice anyway.

Let's face it... when we were on our (officially 2nd, unofficially 3rd) date and we heard this fantastic cover of "Tainted Love" I should have taken it as a sign from the universe. Want to know what would make this story even better if the stars have all aligned and everything I have told you is true? When the run-in occured, as I walked through the courtyard, there was some sort of BYUSA activity, and they were playing... "Tainted Love"... no joke. Irony is beautiful.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Here's What I Want to Know

Why are there always really, really cute guys working at jewelry stores? I'm talking mostly the wedding ring stores at the mall. They are completely inaccessible. I mean, if you aren't getting married you have no reason to go into the store, and if you are going into the store to buy a ring, you better not be checking out the salesman. It's very problematic.

Also, on an entirely unrelated note, why, I would like to know, does weird stuff (like random drunk men joining me on stage and yelling incoherently during my song at karaoke when I'm actually trying really hard to look the tiniest bit cool) always happen to me? Even if I can somehow manage to keep myself from doing something embarrassing, something/one will come along to trip me up.

I can only hope that the aura of awkwardness I seem to radiate is sort of endearing to people. Or something.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Oh My...

I officially never changed my clocks since the last daylight's savings time change. I am, in fact, that far behind in my life. I should probably be ashamed, but mostly it's just funny.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Vending Machine Morality

Vending machines often present me with moral dilemmas.

For example, the other day I went to buy a fabulous diet caffeine-filled drink from the ancient vending machine in the teacher's lounge. This machine demands exact change. I'm not kidding... and, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't even have a functional change return. It strictly enforces its demands by refusing to vend anything at all unless you put in exacly 60 cents. I think we'd all agree that that is the prerogative of the machine. Well, I am more than happy to obey in order to make it through a long day. I put in my 60 cents... and it delivered my drink... and an additional 5 cents.

The whole problem is the impersonality inherent in vending machines. If I went to a store and they gave me extra money back it would be easy to return, but when it happens with a vending machine, who could possibly be contacted? And honestly, if they were contacted, they would probably think it was ridiculous. And it is. Okay... 5 cents... not really a big deal. BUT, I don't want freaking 5 cents on my conscience.

I know this is sounding absolutely absurd, but I'm serious. One time I bought a granola bar... and got two. I was seriously annoyed. The real problem is that it super much frustrates me when things don't work like they're supposed to and I feel like I'm cheating someone. I would rather the dumb thing just ate my money. That is a more comfortable feeling. I guess the secondary issue is I'm not quite selfless enough to just leave the nickel/granola bar there for the next person. I did, however, give the extra granola bar to someone in the class I was running late for and sure I was going to die of hunger in.

Truly, it is an impossible dilemma.