Anxiety Attack Catalysts (Part 1)

-*- Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow. I (in my heart) believe it will be okay, but I feel this gloomy foreboding everytime I think about it.

-*- I got a refill of a prescription today for a medicine that I've been taking for like a month. Today, however, there are completely different warnings on the bottle. Fantastic. Apparently you're not supposed to lie down within half an hour of taking this medicine... that I've been taking right before bed. What a weird warning. Have I been like poisoning my brain by lying down within that half hour? Probably.

-*- 4 out of 5 nights of the week I see cops busting someone on my street. Usually they're pulling over cars, but sometimes they're at neighbor's houses. Should I feel comforted or terrified?

-*- My carbon monoxide detector keeps going off randomly. Maybe the battery is dying, or, maybe there is a poisonous gas oozing through my apartment. Whatev.

-*- My career search starts in approximately 2.5 weeks and I still don't have a functional resume, let alone a portfolio. Oh, plus, thanks to the economic crisis several school districts have a freeze on hiring. Great news for new teachers and supporters of a 40:1 student to teacher ratio in the classroom.

I'm Sort of a Walking Disaster

I'm feeling a little... better, actually. The weekend was complete with one of those "I'm pretty sure I've ruined my life, but it doesn't really matter because I could probably find some minor amount of happiness in working at a fastfood restaurant, selling my non-essential organs on eBay, or perhaps just never leaving my house again and thereby earning money as a freaky hermit tourist attraction if only this could just end" breakdowns. Fortunately, thanks to a few good friends at school and a large vanilla Coke, things are looking a little more bearable. Keeping that in mind....

I nearly impaled a student today while I tried to fix my stapler. A nice girl nonetheless. Obviously completely unintentional. Perhaps along with Marxism, Postcolonialism, New Historicism, etc. someone maybe might have taken the time to teach me how to un-jam a stapler. Apparently, if you slide a certain part in a certain way it will release the spring and a hundred sharp little staples and the platform they sit on (?) will launch 5-6 ft. across the room. And, you will feel like a terrible person/a moron.

Also... SURPRISE mid-term evaluations! Hoo...ray? Really, not that bad. In fact, I did pretty well. But, I probably looked like I was going to pass out when my university supervisor showed up. Which is dangerous, because jr. high kids can smell fear like sharks smell blood.

Which brings me to the end of the day. To deal with stress/prevent another breakdown I:
*bought myself Cafe Rio for dinner
*changed into my favorite sweats immediately
*watched a scary movie (which I will regret later tonight, I'm sure)
*watched a depressing and disturbing show about child beauty pagents
*read several witty blogs
*did NOT do my dishes (they aren't going anywhere)
*In a minute, I might go put gas in my car and indulge in another vanilla Coke. Of course, it would be very unwise to develop an immunity to caffeine, so I better be careful with that.

Some Messages For the World (kind of a rant)

To: People Who Disappear Off the Face of the Earth When You Most Want/Need them Around
Jerks. To you, I offer this empty threat: someday I will ignore you when you want/need my attention. EXCEPT, I won't. Because I am truly trying to be a good person.

To: The HBLL
Told you so.

To: A Certain Credit Union that Has Suspended My Account
I don't even have an account with you, so that's probably for the best. Also, thanks for texting me that information late on Friday night and then being closed on Saturday. That makes it convenient for me to figure out whether or not my identity has been stolen.

To: My 4th Period Class (4 kids in particular)
I know you don't like me; that's fine. I don't like you either.

To: Friends Who Actually Come Through for You
Thanks. I like you better than the rest.

To: Jane Eyre, Anne Shirley, Christy Huddleston, Jo March, Laura Ingalls, and Every Other Brilliant Literary Character who was an English Teacher at Some Point
You may have inadvertently been part of my motivation to do what I'm doing right now. I sort of blame you for the intense stress of my life due to this decision. IF, however, the part where I find someone as fantastic as Gilbert Blythe to help me cope happens as well, you are forgiven.

To: A Certain Nice Guy with Gilbert Blythe Potential
: )

To: Rick and Jarom
Thanks for giving me a reason to end my rant. Ice cream does fix everything.