Hooray! They Like Me! And my shoes.

*"Miss Wardle, I need an A... word in the hall is you're the person I need to see about that."

*Girl (who talks way too much in class): Miss Wardle I like your shoes.
Me: Thanks!
Boy: I like them too. I was going to say it before, but then I would sound gay.

*This made me feel better about my dating life (sorta):
Girls 1&2: Miss Wardle, do you have a boyfriend?
Girl 2: Because we know you don't have a husband.
Me (after debating about lying to sound cooler than I am, and then contemplating the fact that they might like me so much they want to set me up with their cute older brothers): Nope.
Girl 2: Well, do you have friends that are guys?
Me: Yeah, I have a bunch.
Girl 1: Oh, well that's pretty much the same thing. (Girl 2 nods in agreement)

*"So, uh... where're you going to teach next year? Do you think you'll stay here? I hope you get a job here next year and teach something in 8th grade." Complete with awkward, awkward smile. (okay, not as funny, but it was cute... plus I love that he didn't care what I taught as long as it was 8th grade)

*This one is after I missed a day last week for some university stuff:
Girl: How was your meeting?
Me: It was pretty good.
Boy: You're being sarcastic, right?
Me: No, it was really good. Why do you think I'm being sarcastic?
Boy: But, uh, you missed us right? Like, our crazy energy.
Me: Yeah... I did.

I only have three weeks left. It's going to break my heart a little bit to leave. I'm going to miss them hovering around me while I try to work, telling me stories with way too much information, the way they tell me lame jokes like they're great, the way they will stop in to say goodbye before they go home from school... It's worth it.

Let's Face It

Today, I might have seen my ex-boyfriend. The one who lived like everyday was opposite day. As in, everything he said, he was sure to do the opposite of. Including when he said, "Let's definitely still be friends" (with an attempt at a sincere and somewhat endearing smile)... which means, of course, that we haven't spoken in over six months. Which, I would like to add, is 100% fine with me. I didn't actually want to be friends still; I'm just too nice to tell someone what a waste of time jerk they are (to their face anyway). Oh yeah, I was telling a story...

So, I might have seen Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day on campus today. Maybe not though. He was wearing the ridiculously attractive shirt that Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day owns, but he looked up before I could be positive it was him. In case it was Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day, I didn't want him to think I would waste my time even glancing his direction, so I shot him a dirty look, looked away, held my head up high, and went on my way. There is a good chance that this was not the guy I thought it was, but it felt sort of nice anyway.

Let's face it... when we were on our (officially 2nd, unofficially 3rd) date and we heard this fantastic cover of "Tainted Love" I should have taken it as a sign from the universe. Want to know what would make this story even better if the stars have all aligned and everything I have told you is true? When the run-in occured, as I walked through the courtyard, there was some sort of BYUSA activity, and they were playing... "Tainted Love"... no joke. Irony is beautiful.

Here's What I Want to Know

Why are there always really, really cute guys working at jewelry stores? I'm talking mostly the wedding ring stores at the mall. They are completely inaccessible. I mean, if you aren't getting married you have no reason to go into the store, and if you are going into the store to buy a ring, you better not be checking out the salesman. It's very problematic.


Also, on an entirely unrelated note, why, I would like to know, does weird stuff (like random drunk men joining me on stage and yelling incoherently during my song at karaoke when I'm actually trying really hard to look the tiniest bit cool) always happen to me? Even if I can somehow manage to keep myself from doing something embarrassing, something/one will come along to trip me up.

I can only hope that the aura of awkwardness I seem to radiate is sort of endearing to people. Or something.

Oh My...

I officially never changed my clocks since the last daylight's savings time change. I am, in fact, that far behind in my life. I should probably be ashamed, but mostly it's just funny.

Vending Machine Morality

Vending machines often present me with moral dilemmas.

For example, the other day I went to buy a fabulous diet caffeine-filled drink from the ancient vending machine in the teacher's lounge. This machine demands exact change. I'm not kidding... and, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't even have a functional change return. It strictly enforces its demands by refusing to vend anything at all unless you put in exacly 60 cents. I think we'd all agree that that is the prerogative of the machine. Well, I am more than happy to obey in order to make it through a long day. I put in my 60 cents... and it delivered my drink... and an additional 5 cents.

The whole problem is the impersonality inherent in vending machines. If I went to a store and they gave me extra money back it would be easy to return, but when it happens with a vending machine, who could possibly be contacted? And honestly, if they were contacted, they would probably think it was ridiculous. And it is. Okay... 5 cents... not really a big deal. BUT, I don't want freaking 5 cents on my conscience.

I know this is sounding absolutely absurd, but I'm serious. One time I bought a granola bar... and got two. I was seriously annoyed. The real problem is that it super much frustrates me when things don't work like they're supposed to and I feel like I'm cheating someone. I would rather the dumb thing just ate my money. That is a more comfortable feeling. I guess the secondary issue is I'm not quite selfless enough to just leave the nickel/granola bar there for the next person. I did, however, give the extra granola bar to someone in the class I was running late for and sure I was going to die of hunger in.

Truly, it is an impossible dilemma.

Anxiety Attack Catalysts (Part 1)

-*- Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow. I (in my heart) believe it will be okay, but I feel this gloomy foreboding everytime I think about it.

-*- I got a refill of a prescription today for a medicine that I've been taking for like a month. Today, however, there are completely different warnings on the bottle. Fantastic. Apparently you're not supposed to lie down within half an hour of taking this medicine... that I've been taking right before bed. What a weird warning. Have I been like poisoning my brain by lying down within that half hour? Probably.

-*- 4 out of 5 nights of the week I see cops busting someone on my street. Usually they're pulling over cars, but sometimes they're at neighbor's houses. Should I feel comforted or terrified?

-*- My carbon monoxide detector keeps going off randomly. Maybe the battery is dying, or, maybe there is a poisonous gas oozing through my apartment. Whatev.

-*- My career search starts in approximately 2.5 weeks and I still don't have a functional resume, let alone a portfolio. Oh, plus, thanks to the economic crisis several school districts have a freeze on hiring. Great news for new teachers and supporters of a 40:1 student to teacher ratio in the classroom.

I'm Sort of a Walking Disaster

I'm feeling a little... better, actually. The weekend was complete with one of those "I'm pretty sure I've ruined my life, but it doesn't really matter because I could probably find some minor amount of happiness in working at a fastfood restaurant, selling my non-essential organs on eBay, or perhaps just never leaving my house again and thereby earning money as a freaky hermit tourist attraction if only this could just end" breakdowns. Fortunately, thanks to a few good friends at school and a large vanilla Coke, things are looking a little more bearable. Keeping that in mind....

I nearly impaled a student today while I tried to fix my stapler. A nice girl nonetheless. Obviously completely unintentional. Perhaps along with Marxism, Postcolonialism, New Historicism, etc. someone maybe might have taken the time to teach me how to un-jam a stapler. Apparently, if you slide a certain part in a certain way it will release the spring and a hundred sharp little staples and the platform they sit on (?) will launch 5-6 ft. across the room. And, you will feel like a terrible person/a moron.

Also... SURPRISE mid-term evaluations! Hoo...ray? Really, not that bad. In fact, I did pretty well. But, I probably looked like I was going to pass out when my university supervisor showed up. Which is dangerous, because jr. high kids can smell fear like sharks smell blood.

Which brings me to the end of the day. To deal with stress/prevent another breakdown I:
*bought myself Cafe Rio for dinner
*changed into my favorite sweats immediately
*watched a scary movie (which I will regret later tonight, I'm sure)
*watched a depressing and disturbing show about child beauty pagents
*read several witty blogs
*did NOT do my dishes (they aren't going anywhere)
*In a minute, I might go put gas in my car and indulge in another vanilla Coke. Of course, it would be very unwise to develop an immunity to caffeine, so I better be careful with that.