Misadventures of a Girl With Good Intentions

New York

2012-01-10T18:03:00.003-07:00

Whenever I get bored with work, or Mike being in school, or cleaning the house, or whatever else occupies my time, I like to plan vacations. I check prices on flights, hotels, cruises, and tourist attractions. Then, I present them to Mike who lovingly reminds me that we've just got to keep on keepin' on until the weekend/Christmas/summer/graduation.

Except, the last time I did this, he just said, "Let's do it. Let's go." So, we're headed to New York City for our anniversary.

And, as luck would have it, we just happen to be going during Restaurant Week wherein fancy schmancy restaurants have 3 course prix fixe menus. I know a few of you who live and die for this sort of thing, so here are the details on the food.

Our first Restaurant Week stop will be dinner at Opia, a restaurant with a "modern French focus." Here are our options:

Opia, NYC

Appetizers:
Creamy Potato & Leek Soup- Chives, Crème Fraiche, White Truffle Oil
Chicken Liver Pate- Caramelized Shallots Chutney, Quince Compote, French Baguette
Escargots with Herbed Gnocchi- Garlic Sausage & Pearl Onions, White Wine & Parsley Beurre
Entrees:
Savory Stuffed Muscovy Duck-French Green Lentils, Honey-Ginger Glazed Baby Carrots
Coq au Vin-Pomme Puree, Winter Baby Root Vegetables
Pan Roasted Wild Striped Bass-Curry Butternut Squash, Broccolini & Morels, Champagne Meyer Lemon Emulsion
Desserts:
Blueberry Linzer Tart
Walnut Cognac Chocolate Brownie with Coffee ice cream
Apple Cinnamon Strudel with Caramel ice cream

The Palm, NYC

Our second dinner will be at The Palm, a famous steakhouse. There, we will be deciding between:
Appetizers:

Classic Caesar Salad- Garlic Focaccia Croutons and Parmigianino Reggiano
Crispy Calamari Fritti- Point Judith Calamari, Cornmeal Dusted and Tossed with
Lemon and Marinated Peppers
Winter Salad-Arugula, Endive and Radicchio with Red Wine Poached Pears,
Toasted Walnuts and Gorgonzola

Entrees:
Delmonico Steak Au Poivre- Topped with Garlic and Parmesan Shoestring Potatoes
Chicken Parmigiana- Linguine Marinara
Filet Mignon 9 ounce- Crab and Boursin Cheese Sauce over Goat Cheese Whipped Potatoes
Double Cut Lamb Porterhouse Chops- Rosemary Roasted Potatoes and Fresh Mint Sauce
Atlantic Salmon Filet- Maple Ginger Glaze served with Basmati Rice and Snow Peas
Dessert:
New York Style Cheesecake with Raspberry Sauce
Flourless Chocolate Cake with Crème Anglaise, Fresh Berries and Whipped Cream
Key Lime Pie with Blueberry Compote

What would you pick? I'm still trying to decide on dessert at Opia, so feel free to weigh in on that.

Fantastic 50 Reading Challenge

2011-12-29T22:30:00.010-07:00

This year, my school is participating in a reading challenge. The challenge, which was started by some of my very smart English teacher friends and is based on concepts from The Book Whisperer, is to read 50 books in a year. It's been a really great experience for all of us.

Professionally speaking, it has helped us to build a culture of reading and I have seen kids really blossom. For example, last year, a 9th grade boy showed me some poetry he wrote because he was reading a poetry book and thought it might be fun to try to do his own. Um... wow, right?

Personally speaking, it's been a great opportunity for me to stretch myself as a reader because part of the challenge is to include a variety of genres, I've discovered books that I probably wouldn't have tried before. It's pretty cool actually, to figure out where your preferences lie and then purposefully try something new. Anyway, this is getting really long. If you're curious about more details like the genre breakdown, you can check out my friend Daniel's prezi or email me. (I'd link to my prezi, but it's not that great.)

Our time frame, of course, is from the end of last school year to the end of this school year. I've had 4 students finish already, and 2 have even done 100 books. My progress isn't quite so impressive, but I am a little bit ahead of schedule, and I've exceeded my personal goal of reading 50 books in 2011. Here are some of my favorites from the year.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society- This book is simply charming. It's a historical fiction book that follows the correspondence of an author with the citizens of Guernsey just after WWII. The history and characters are interesting and unique.

The Wednesday Wars- This is another historical fiction, but this one is set in the 60s. The book is about a boy named Holling who has to spend Wednesday afternoons with the English teacher that "hates" him while everyone else has religious education. The teacher, who is actually awesome, has Holling study the works of Shakespeare (which he believes at first to be a form of torture). What I really loved about this book was how the other events each echo the action of a work of Shakespeare. That, and it's hilarious.

Beyonders: A World Without Heroes- I think I'll write a whole post about this book and meeting the author (Brandon Mull). This book was incredible. I'll admit, I didn't like the beginning at all, but about 40 pages in, things get good. The story is about a boy named Jason who is transported to another world, a world which is ruled by the evil wizard Maldor. The really cool thing about this book is the concept of a world without heroes. It isn't that Maldor is going around killing all of the heroes, it's that the heroes get sidetracked and corrupted. He breaks heroes by giving them power, wealth, and anything else they want which makes them abandon their purpose. And, that's what Jason (and the awesome Blind Prince) has to face. So good!

Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Happy and How They Can Change the World- Mike was so excited when he brought this home to me; he really, really wanted me to read it with him. It was too cute to ignore, so I did. There are two aspects to this book. Firstly, games (board, dice, word, video, whatever) have value in our lives; this book is specifically about the value of video games, and it makes some convincing arguments. Some incredible games have been designed that can make real world contributions: they can help map proteins in hopes of finding a cure for cancer; they can also allow citizens (of England) to check the expenditures of the members of parliament and alert authorities to suspicious spending. It's awesome. Secondly, I was able to pull a lot of concepts from this book to use in my classroom because it's all about motivation. It's definitely a good read for teachers.

The Help- If you haven't read this yet, you should. This book is about a very small corner of the Civil Rights movement and how it affects the lives of several women. It's engrossing and touching. I also really enjoyed the movie.

The Poisonwood Bible- Mike brings so many good things into my life, and this is one of them. This book is elegant and insightful in a lot of ways. The story follows a Christian missionary and his family to the Congo; the narration switches between the missionary's wife and four daughters and describes their experience living in the African jungle and learning to live and work with the Africans. If you really want the full experience with this book you should read Things Fall Apart first. Together, they give you an incredible picture of the time period and clash of cultures.

Yay reading!

Still Alive, Which is Pretty Impressive

2011-12-28T21:19:00.003-07:00

Hey guys. I'm writing this post with great anticipation. I am sincerely excited for 2011 to come to an end. It's been kind of the worst.

2012 is looking like it has some potential, though. Here are some things that seem to indicate that it will be a significant improvement upon the current year:

Mike and I seem to have finally figured out a more or less bearable schedule wherein we will get to spend some actual real time together on a regular basis.
As a result of us spending real time together regularly, we might even start spending time with other people on occasion. Social life! We're back!
I get to have my same class schedule in the upcoming school year. Yay!
We're going to New York City in January! The joy from that will probably hold me over for quite some time.
I have promised myself to quit working on school things at home (except for essays).
I am going to have hobbies. Hobbies, people. Probably ones most people think are lame, but hobbies, nonetheless.
We will both be turning 25, which seems like a cool age.

So, life is looking up. Maybe I'll even post on my blog more that 10 times a year... We'll see.

Best Parts

2011-09-12T16:55:00.000-06:00

Here are my very favorite things about teaching.

Talking about reading and writing all the time.
Being consulted by boys about their plans for the big dances. It's cute how much it means to them to impress their dates.
Getting little thank you notes in journals and emails and Digimon cards and yearbook pages.
Having opportunities to help people every single day.
Seeing the smiles on the faces of kids who have been struggling but who finally get it.
Doing service projects with my National Honors Society kids.
Hearing about how students apply what I teach them (semi-colons in text messages, research papers about family vacation destinations that win them parental pride and money for the trip, etc.).
Going to pep rallies and assemblies.
Seeing someone I recommended a book to read it and love it as much as I did.
Working with other English teachers; they are kindred spirits.
Watching my seniors walk at graduation.
Knowing that, if I do it right, I can make a difference in the world.

Sometimes it's hard. But mostly it's great. I love what I do, and I'm glad that I get to do it.

My Nerdy Friends Will Be So Jealous

2011-09-08T16:14:00.004-06:00

You guys! I'm breaking my incredibly long streak of not posting anything at all to tell you something awesome!

There is this book club in my district cleverly disguised as a professional development workshop. It's such a ruse though. I mean, how can this be work? Here's the deal. I pay $65. I get 7 YA books to keep. I get to go to once a month meetings to talk about books and eat treats with smart teachers, including at least two of my teacher friends from school. I get some college credit. And, the real kicker for me, the authors of the books we read will be at the meeting for their book!

Want to know who I'm going to get to meet and have literary discussions with? Here's our book/author list.

September- Paranormalcy by Kiersten White
October- The Kiss of a Stranger by Sarah Eden
November- Possession by Elana Johnson
December- Beyonders by Brandon Mull
January- Mark of Royalty by Jennifer Clark
February- Candy Bomber by Mike Tunnell
March- Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

I'm really, really excited. I haven't read any of these books yet, and I'm pretty much the nerdiest when it comes to meeting authors.

Actually, that's a good story... The first time I met a real life author, it was Dean Hughes. I got paid an "allowance" in books (which was totally awesome of my mom to do, I think) when I was a teenager, and his Children of the Promise books were the ones I remember being the most excited about. He was a guest speaker in my very first English major class, and it was so neat to meet him, but I was way nervous about it. I guess I was worried that he'd be mean or egotistical and my ideals would be ruined. But, then he was just super nice and smart so all was well. I've met a few more authors since then, but it's still way exciting to me.

Animal Rescue

2011-06-27T00:40:00.000-06:00

One of the many side jobs I have as a teacher is being the advisor for my school's chapter of the National Honor Society. It's a service organization for students who excel in academics and leadership. So, basically, they're the best kids ever, and it's a lot of fun and very uplifting.

Last week, we had the chance to help out at a local animal rescue center. I was surprised to find out that they had a lot more than just dogs and cats. They also had horses, chickens, pigs, goats (regular and pygmy), emus, geese, ducks, and even a couple of yaks! Here's a picture of an emu for you, I think it's Clyde. I'd have a picture of the yak too, but when we stood by the fence to look at it, it false charged us and scared me to death.We fed the animals first thing, and, dang, they eat well! A lot of local businesses donate produce and bread for them. After they had eaten, and the owners of the facility had relocated Andy the head-butting goat, we split up into groups and cleaned stalls.

Mike and I mostly helped to clean out the pygmy goat stall, and then the sheep stall. I was okay with this, because I love pygmy goats. They're kind of adorable. I mean, look at this:
Also, it turns out Mike is the small-livestock-whisperer. All the goats and sheep wanted him to pet them.After the hard manual labor was done, we took a couple of giant dogs for a walk. Mike got to walk a huge, gorgeous Siberian husky, and a walked a black dog that could have passed for a black bear.

By the end, we were sunburned, exhausted, and very happy. It's really fulfilling to work hard alongside of a very cute (and strong!) husband and some very impressive and talented kids. Our next big activity is a tour of the food bank and helping out a little bit there. I'm pretty excited for it.

Why We Crave Drama

2011-06-23T21:50:00.000-06:00

Something that is interesting about people is the seemingly inherent need for drama. Even if you don't think you want it, there seems to be something that pulls you into a juicy story or a venting rage. Or is that just me?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I think I've put my finger on it. To explain, I first need to present a detailed analogy.

One Christmas, my cousin gave my little brother an old west style fort made out of wooden blocks. That fort, simple as it was, substantially changed our play time. We invented the most time consuming and intense game yet. The premise was simple: you have spring, summer, and fall to plan, grow, build, and trade. Then, winter comes, and the fortmaster would determine whether or not you survived the winter.

Our neighbors, 5 siblings close in age to us and each other, my brother, my sister, and I were the contestants. We each had a plot of bedroom carpet staked out. And then, we'd have a free for all to vie for starting capital. The toy box was opened and you grabbed like mad for my brother's farm animals, cowboys, marbles, socks, anything that could possibly be helpful, until time was up. That's when trading began.

Of course, we were kind of cutthroats, but we were also endlessly creative. We were almost manic in the way we gathered, traded, and prepared for an imaginary winter and it's dangers. Of course, there was little real danger except for the danger of the fortmaster's declaring a disappointing, or embarrassing fate. We loved that too; creativity in explaining that you didn't have enough blankets or firewood, so you had to cut open a cow and sleep in it for the last 2 weeks of winter (we obviously, had just recently watched Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back), was crucial to making the game fun. It was invigorating to have the sensation of fighting something huge and dangerous, and, yet, being completely safe.

I think that the gossip and drama of life can be the same way. We create a temporary enemy, a person who has upset us or done something we dislike. This feeling of conflict brings an adrenaline rush because we are choosing to fight, even if our enemy is not present (they usually aren't). And yet, there is seldom any real danger. We can criticize, theorize, and even demonize a person or group of people in the safety of like-minded people with very little chance of anything happening. Essentially, participating in gossip and negativity is giving us a rush of adrenaline without any risk.

I assume, like most chemical induced responses, this can be addictive. I guess that's why it's so easy to slip into the cycle of negativity. Hopefully this isn't coming off as self-righteous or preachy, it's just that I've been trying to eliminate some of the negativity in my life, but it's turned out to be hard. It's really hard. And I think thinking about it this way has given me a little bit more objective way of looking at these situations as they come up. Hopefully that will help me to try to deal with things in a positive way instead of wallowing in negativity because my brain loves the chemical hit is gets when I fight an imaginary battle.

Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week

2011-06-16T00:00:00.001-06:00

Forever and ever ago now, we made these awesome shark cupcakes with Stephanie and Cortney.

Here's a secret about me, I love themed parties. So, I was really excited when we planned to make the cupcakes and watch Jaws (which I had never seen before). It was fun, and the movie only made me scream like twice.
Luckily, I now get the "That's some bad hat, Harry" reference (Mike says it's in the credits of either Lost or House).
To make sure we can go to the beach in the future, Mike looked up the odds, and you're more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by a shark. Unless you wear a swimsuit with fish designs and swim around sharks while they eat. So, that's good to know.

I think we'll have another themed cupcake night soon. We're watching Tremors this week to prepare for the live episode of Film Sack we'll get to see at the conference we're going to on Friday (this time, it's Mike's professional conference), maybe killer worm cupcakes? We'll see.

It's Finally Summer!

2011-06-14T23:29:00.008-06:00

There were days I thought it would never come. But, we're pretty much having a blast! Here's our latest adventure... at home s'mores. Maybe this is a thing people do, but I have only ever made them over a fire.

Anyway, we turned on the broiler and toasted the marshmallows, and warmed out hands...
... toasted them...
... and enjoyed their gooey goodness.
(They are purple looking because they are chocolate marshmallows, not an effect of the cooking method.)

In other news, we're making some exciting changes. Mike is transferring to the U of U because they have a great computer science with a nationally ranked emphasis in video gaming. We are so lucky because we get to spend tons of time together. We're headed to Alaska soon, and hopefully we'll be able to go to California later on to check out some of the big video game companies and do fun things. I'm not going to lie, this has the potential to be the best summer ever.

My Friends, the Dinosaurs

2011-04-13T19:20:00.002-06:00

I think I have always loved dinosaurs. If you don't believe me, ask my mother, who stopped me at the front door of our apartment during my only known bout of sleep walking.

"Where are you going, Aubrey?" She inquired.
"To play with the dinosaurs." 4th grade Aubrey replied.

On top of that, we didn't travel much when I was little. The first time I went to Disneyland, I was 20 (and I still dragged my dad to see all the princess-y stuff). But, I didn't feel developmentally lacking because of this. After all, I had Dinosaurland.

Dinosaurland (also known, to less fun people, as Dinosaur National Monument) is located in Northeastern Utah. I have been there (I think) 4 times. Maybe more. The first time I went there with my grandparents and my little sister. We don't have a lot of home video footage, but we do have footage of me dragging a 4 year old Martina around a museum yelling out the names of different species of dinosaurs. Seriously, I was such a know it all. I don't know if I was cute or annoying. I'll ask my grandma next time I see her.

I think the best thing that happened to me all of last summer was Mike taking me to the Ogden Eccles Dinosaur park. We took a lot of silly pictures and it was so much fun.

One of my greatest regrets in life is not going on a dinosaur excavation that I was invited to by a paleontologist in Price.

I guess I'm telling you all of this to make it clear that I am not a casual dinosaur lover. I have strong feelings on the subject. Which is one of two reasons that I had never read Jurassic Park until now. The other reason being that I generally make it a rule not to read a book which has the author's name bigger than the title on the cover, and this was my first exception to that rule for a long time.

Mike bought the movie of Jurassic Park for me for my birthday (since we have been searching for it in the $5 movie been where it is falsely advertised at Wal-Mart every time we've gone since November). We watched it and he convinced me to give the book a try. Overall, I liked. It was more intense than the movie in some ways (except for the kitchen scene... shudder...), and it was very engaging. I don't really want to write a whole book review, but I have a few thoughts after finishing the book today.

1. Even though the raptors were laying low until the last 100 pages or so, I would have been FREAKING out once I realized that the dinosaurs had been breeding and there were 37 of them, obviously not contained. For the majority of the book people are out chasing the T-Rex and getting eaten by other various carnivores, and I'm mostly terrified that they're going to run into these loose raptors. It just baffled me how they never even worried about the raptors at all until they had conveniently tranquilized the big T-Rex.

2. Also, what happened to the big T-Rex? She was tranquilized by the waterfall, but probably wouldn't drown (according to one believable character). But then later, there is only one T-Rex found. Did she drown? Did the scan not pick her up because she was tranquilized?

3. As Grant and the kids are traveling back to the headquarters they are continually surprised by the appearance of dinosaurs, especially T-Rex. Seriously? You choose to go through the dinosaur habitats, knowing that T-Rex is chasing you, and you're not on the lookout? I don't know how they made it back alive.

4. Relatedly, after barely surviving the raptor massacre, why would the survivors feel it was necessary to find the raptor nest? There was some unclear explanation of moral duty to count the eggs even though the entire island was about to be obliterated by the Costa Rican government, but I did not get it at all. If you did, please enlighten me.

5. Why did the last page have to create a weird cliff hanger? Are Grant and Sattler and Muldoon going to be kept in Costa Rica against their will until the sequel? Probably.

And, in closing, I would like to express my dismay at the continued delay of the re-opening of the Quarry at Dinosaurland. I have been planning a trip for literally three years, but they just never finish it. How will I ever prove to Mike how awesome it is if they keep the main part under construction all the time? Ugh, life.

Digimon and Gratitude

2011-04-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things about teaching is the magic of random. There are routines in school, but the most common routine is dealing with the unexpected. Often, the unexpected is unpleasant and upsetting. But, sometimes, the unexpected is happiness condensed into a small, memorable moment.

Last week, I had a moment like that. My seniors were working on their mock graduation speeches, and I was walking around helping them. As I moved past one table, a student asks me to come stand in the front of the room. I guess I'm suspicious, because I was hesitant. But, eventually they coaxed me to go along with their plan.

With a song from Star Wars playing in the background, I was presented with this.

Someone had found this card in a book they were reading, and then they all signed it and wrote some very nice things to me. It was a silly thing, but it was so special. It was so rewarding to see their gratitude for the effort I've been making. It made me feel a little bit more capable and it made me more grateful for them.

A few days later, during a different class, I had to leave for about 15 minutes to do something for NHS. As I left, I threatened them with my unending wrath if they snuck out or did anything very wild. I came back to this on my whiteboard.

And this, which they made up because they are silly.

This whole week, these silly messages have made me think a lot about showing love and appreciation. They showed me their appreciation, and even made up some from me to them. Being appreciated is something we all crave. We need to be recognized from time to time to feel valued and capable.

Most of all, this experience made me want to be better at showing my gratitude. It's a small way to make the world a little bit better.

I'm So Tired of Plagiarism

2011-03-23T17:21:00.002-06:00

Seriously.

Please, change the font from the website you copied to match the one you're using.
Change all the big words to words you would actually use.
Don't assume that I won't notice if I read a derivative of a paper I already graded in another class.
Realize that I can find that Wikipedia article just as easily as you can.
Remember that I have read your writing every day for the last 8 months and know what it looks and sounds like.
Oh, and by all means, when confronted with indisputable evidence, deny it. Because I'm sure it's just a coincidence that you and Sparknotes had the exact same things to say about that book you read.

Or, just write your own two page paper.
Not.That.Hard.

Being a Little Braver

2011-03-11T16:18:00.009-07:00

I think I've figured out my problem with this blog. Within the last year (ish), my readership has changed drastically. I now have in-laws, book club friends, and some random acquaintances instead of my mom and friends from high school and college. I now feel the need to impress you all the time. And, that makes it a little more scary to write.

But, here's the thing, you are all very nice people. I'm sure that even if I wrote the world's worst blog post, none of you would send me hate mail or even mention it at all. So, I'm going to stop worrying about impressing and entertaining everyone and just write. After all, my mom needs something to read when things are slow at work ;)

Last week, I attended the last session of my literacy conference, and today, I went to the third session of a technical and professional writing conference. I have decided that I love professional conferences (at least so far) for these reasons:

I get paid to go to them.
I get college credit for them. Although most of those credits won't ever apply to a graduate degree, it makes me feel so stinking cool to know that I am stockpiling graduate level credits.
I get a break from being in the classroom. Don't get me wrong, I love being at school and teaching. It's kind of like being a mom. Sometimes, you need a babysitter and a day out to get a pedicure so that you can live up to your best mommy potential.
I learn lots of great things. I think (and have been reaffirmed by my teaching idol Jeff Wilhelm) that the best teachers are always still in the role of being a learner. Plus, I just genuinely like learning things.
They are rejuvenating. People always have such negative things to say about education. It is so discouraging to be working my very, very hardest to be a good teacher and make a difference in the world only to have people make thoughtless and ignorant statements about how ineffective and overpaid teachers are. It's like nails on a chalkboard. It's like tacky acrylic nails on a chalkboard. That's why I love meeting with other adults who have dedicated their life's work to improving education. These are passionate and intelligent people. They help me stay focused on my goals as an educator. And, they are the proof that those uninvolved critics of education are wrong.

I also think it's important to post an update here on things in general. Remember when I wrote that post with all the homemade charts about how school was awful and pretty much made me cry a lot? It's so, so, so much better now! There were some behavioral and instructional changes made. Oh, and my biggest class dropped down to a much more manageable 40 students, that helped. But, most of all, I re-learned that most important of lessons for a teacher to know: when you are interacting 100+ people on a daily basis, perfection is even more impossible than usual. So, you do the very best you can, deal with things as they come up, and try to stay focused on the positives. Anyway, here's a new chart for you with a confidently projected outcome for the rest of the year (even with the assumption that I'll be on the graduation committee again):

Whooooo's Still Reading?

2011-02-16T21:30:00.005-07:00

I'm sorry for my continued blog neglect. But, to make up for it, I have pictures of the adorable cupcakes Mike and I made a few weeks ago. The design is from Hello, Cupcake, a book I got Mike for Christmas because he proved himself with Swampy when we were dating.

We made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing. The eyes are mini Oreos, and so are the ears (cut in half). And, the nose is an M&M.

We made about twenty of them, and we gave most of them to family/neighbors.We're planning a shark themed evening. We're going to watch Jaws (which I have never seen), and make some shark cupcakes. Bloody ones. This is what we call an "at home date." We are so stinking busy, that sometimes, this is the best option.

Although... eating vanilla waffles covered in Belgian chocolate in celebration of one wonderful year of marriage was pretty good too.

Hamlet Project = Complete!

2011-01-27T21:51:00.004-07:00

I just barely finished this presentation for my big literacy conference on Monday. I have to present my inquiry unit on Hamlet. I'm actually pretty pleased with how it turned out. So, I'm posting it here. It probably doesn't make much sense without the accompanying explanation, but it's a little insight to the projects that keep me from blogging/cleaning/sleeping. You know. Enjoy!

Last Week Was Weird

2011-01-24T16:41:00.009-07:00

Last week was really scary. By Friday, I was kind of afraid to leave the house. Maybe it was a reminder for me to enjoy life... while I can. Really though...

Tuesday: There was a gun on campus. Immediate, well-thought out action kept the situation low-key, but, seriously terrifying in every way imaginable. I hate even thinking of things like this. Those kids drive me in-freaking-sane sometimes, but I hate to think of anything happening to them.

Wednesday: There is a section of the road I take to work where it road separates into two, one-lane roads. Some poor old lady got confused, and she was going the wrong way... in my lane.

Thursday: While filling up my car at a local gas station, I heard yelling across the street at another gas station. I'm fairly sure I witnessed the last part of a robbery. The part where the guy got chased across the street and continued to run... towards the police station. Dummy.

Luckily, there weren't any other dangerous/potentially fatal experiences. Mostly I just went to book club, watched Killer Klowns from Outer Space with Mike, and then I slept for like 14 hours on Sunday. Those parts were nice.

Our First Christmas

2010-12-30T21:04:00.005-07:00

Even though we spent last Christmas together, this year was our first official Christmas. It was great! Luckily, we've been able to spend a lot of time with family. My family is close by, and Mike's parents came down to see our adorable new nephew.

It was kind of an interesting experience getting everything ready. We didn't have much in the way of Christmas decorations, and with finals and end of term grading, we didn't really have time to get a tree until mid-December.

We honestly just couldn't justify spending tons of money on Christmas ornaments, but I think our frugal tree turned out very nicely. My family usually strings popcorn and cranberries, so we started there. Then, we got out the lovely dove ornaments that Valli and Dave gave us as a wedding gift, and a few hand-me-down ornaments from my mom.. And then... we went to the dollar store! Here's the finished product:
It was a good reminder that things don't have to be expensive to be nice. I'm really proud of the tree skirt. Thanks to Mike's understanding of geometry and patience with my inability to distinguish radius and diameter, we were able to make it ourselves. Here's a close up:Without gushing too much, I really just want to say that I'm so glad to have this special time of year where people focus on faith and goodness. And, I am extra grateful that I have such a good person to spend it with.

Cantuccini (an Italian Cookie)

2010-12-30T21:00:00.001-07:00

For my first "new" recipe, I decided to try baking some cookies that my mom always makes around Christmas time. The recipe isn't all that new, but it is new to me. I've always been afraid to try it because it is from this book:

And, if you know anything about Julia Child, it's probably that she doesn't mess around when it comes to food. Luckily, this recipe ended up being a lot easier than I thought it would be. And, it didn't hurt that my mom agreed to help me get started.

The recipe is for Cantuccini, which is an Italian cookie usually referred to as biscotti (apparently all Italian cookies are called biscotti), and is found on page 313 of the book. These cookies are baked twice, so they are very hard and crunchy, and are meant for dipping. They are delicious! I'm including a paraphrased version of the recipe, but there are a lot of good tips in the book that I'm leaving out.

The ingredients are:
2 c. all-purpose flour
3/4 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. unblanched, whole almonds
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees and prepare a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. Mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt in a large bowl. Then, stir in the almonds.
3. Whisk eggs and vanilla in a small bowl. Then, stir them into the flour mixture. The dough will be very dry.
4. Place on a lightly floured table or board and knead until smooth(-ish).
5. Divide the dough in half, and and form two 12-inch-long logs. They should be 2 inches wide and 1 inch high.
6. 1st Baking-Place the logs on the baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes, or until they have risen a little bit and are firm to the touch. Then remove and let them cool completely (at least 30 minutes).
7. 2nd Baking- With a serrated knife, cut the logs diagonally into 1/4-inch-thick slices.
Place them on the parchment lined pan, and then bake for 10-15 minutes, until they are crisp and golden. Let them cool on the pans.It was a pretty time-intensive recipe, but it really wasn't all that hard. The cookies will last for a month if you keep them in an air-tight container, but ours didn't last nearly that long. I'm really glad that I tried this recipe. It was definitely a good way to start off my edible experiments!

Edible Experiments

2010-12-30T20:48:00.004-07:00

Well, hello there blog, and any remaining readers. Sorry for disappearing for so long. It's been a rough and busy couple of months, and, honestly, I just didn't feel like trying to keep up with this. But, that will soon be changing!

For the conference that I attended over the summer, I designed (and am now carrying out) a classroom research project. I'm having my 10th grade class set up personal blogs. They have to choose a topic, do research on that topic, and post weekly. As far as rationale, a blog (when topic-driven) naturally leads one through the entire writing process. My hypothesis is that allowing students to write and learn about a topic they are interested in, with a real audience to consider, will make writing more enjoyable for them. We'll see how it goes, but so far, so good.

In an effort to be a good teacher, I'm setting up a blog for this project too. It's called Edible Experiments. For this blog, I'm going to try one new recipe every week, and post the recipe/pictures/reactions about it. Really, this is part of me achieving my goal of learning more about cooking. Because we're using the blogs for class, it is private, but I thought it would probably be a good idea to post them here too. Maybe it will help me to write more regularly.

That being said, I will stress that I am not a food blogger. I'm not a talented cook. I'm just trying to learn something new, and I'm pretty excited about it!

On My Mind Today

2010-11-25T02:41:00.007-07:00

I like Thanksgiving. It's such a sweet, unassuming holiday. It's so much less commercial and more meaningful. It's all about spending time with those you love and showing gratitude for all that we have. I know I often get caught up in the negative things that happen in life, but looking at the things we're grateful for is so much more enjoyable.

I'm very grateful for...

Mike! He's amazing, and he makes me happy every single day.
My family- my immediate family, my in-laws, and especially my little family with Mike.
For the steal of a deal we're getting on our apartment. Life would be hard if we had to pay exorbitant rent like some of my friends do.
That my job is no longer miserable. Things have gotten much better.
That I got to meet (and talk to!) Jeff Wilhelm. He has really inspired me and given me a lot of direction in my career.
That Martina won Miss Rodeo Utah. It was amazing to watch someone I care about so much achieve something that meant so much to them.
For my book club. I've made some wonderful friends, and I feel like it's been a good source of personal growth.
That I've been able to travel so much in the last year: Alaska, San Francisco, L.A., and Park City (less glamorous, I know) a few times.
For old friends who I know will always be around. I realized when I saw a friend today just how many times I run into someone and introduce them to Mike as someone I've been friends with forever. Thanks for sticking around.
That Mike agrees that watching Jurassic Park at Thanksgiving should be a family tradition.

Quote of the Week

2010-10-21T17:29:00.002-06:00

Student: If I pee my pants during my presentation, will you give me a good grade because you feel bad for me?

Things Have Been...

2010-10-12T20:33:00.012-06:00

... a little scary around here.

If you haven't seen or heard much of us lately, it's because we're both swamped.
Mike is busy, busy, busy with school. He's doing really great with it though, and is being a very dedicated student.

As for me. Well, so far this year I've had:

kids chewing tobacco in class
a student so incensed that I would have the audacity to take her phone away (after 2 warnings to put it away) that she walked out
a student who, when I asked him why he wasn't doing his work, told me he would do enough assignments/activities to get by, just not any of the "stupid" ones
a mouthy Justin Bieber look alike
an excellent view of the shed where kids go to smoke while they skip class
a major curriculum change, oh, 2 days before school started.

Which really all means that it has been a hectic beginning. I'm trying to remember a chart my mentor teacher once showed me about the emotional patterns of teaching. I think it looked something like this:

So, there's definitely a low to be expected. But, I'm a bit concerned, because my year started out more like this:

I guess the good thing is that there's an upward trend. I think the 12th graders are just being too cool for school. Things seem to be getting better. I just keep reminding myself to embrace the chaos and just do my best to be happy. Things may be kind of scary and hard, but that's no reason not to be happy.

Splurge

2010-09-08T18:55:00.003-06:00

I found this in a catalog a few weeks ago. I think it's adorable, so I decided to order the pattern.

I don't know when it will happen, but I am very excited to make it!

Currently Reading...

2010-09-07T23:23:00.005-06:00

Poor abandoned blog... I haven't had much to say lately. I caught a cold more or less on the first day of school and have been just trying to get by since then. Luckily, I'm feeling better, and since my mom requested a blog post to entertain her, I thought I would share some neat facts from (one of) the book(s) I'm currently reading, The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson.

The Mother Tongue is all about the English language, but also talks about the linguistic characteristics of other languages too. It's super interesting. I've been reading it for awhile (non-fiction always seems to take longer), and I am constantly telling Mike about all the things I'm learning from it. And now, I present them to you.

English is the only language that has (or needs) a thesaurus (14).
There are more people studying English in China than there are people in the United States (13).
There are approximately 2,700 languages in the world... but that is only a best guess (37).
All languages evolve, but Icelandic, for some reason hasn't really evolved much. Bryson claims that if Leif Ericson reappeared, he could communicate without too many problems (37).
Spelling was pretty much anyone's best guess, until the printing press was invented. Perhaps unfortunately, the printing press was invented during a pretty tumultuous time for the English language. That's partially why there are some unusual spellings- a lot of our spellings reflect pronunciation of the 1400s (126).
Relatedly, silent letters (like the "k" in knight and knees or "g" in gnat) were once pronounced (128).
If you think texting abbreviations are irritating, you might be surprised to find that in the early 1900s the Simplified Spelling Board (supported by Andrew Carnegie and Theodore Roosevelt, among others) lobbied for the simplified spellings of certain words. They won a few battles, giving dignity to the shorter version of words that have two spellings (ax/axe, judgment/judgement, catalog/catalogue, program/programme, etc.). They also had a lot of support behind words like live, tho, thru, wisht, gard, giv, hav, and ar. But, they pushed their luck on words like tuf, def, yu, and filosophy. That, and the advent of World War I stopped their efforts (130).

I'm about half way done. It's totally nerdy, but I love reading things like this. Thanks for humoring me.

Practically a Professional

2010-08-17T15:47:00.002-06:00

People like me generally have two secret goals.

1. Publish a hit novel.
2. Be a professional blogger.

I got a tiny bit closer to the second of those goals this week. I was invited to attend a webinar based on Troy Hicks' book, The Digital Writing Workshop. The district content leader invited me because I'm working on a research project for the last conference I went to about blogs in the classroom. For the final product, I wrote a rationale and a basic outline of implementing blogs as a tool for helping students internalize the writing process and improve their writing. And, in a few weeks, I'll be getting a check for that.

Getting paid to write about blogging is almost like getting paid to blog, right?

Also... I got two free books, and a huge vote of confidence from my district content leaders. So, even though my heart is somewhat dismayed about school starting again, I feel like I can do it. :)

Overshare

2010-08-16T21:41:00.001-06:00

The first time I saw this commercial...

I was eating oatmeal.

You're welcome.

Confession

2010-08-04T00:32:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling really cool right now. One of my old professors emailed me about a book I'd reviewed on goodreads.com to see if I thought it would be a good textbook for her class.

I'm totally contributing to the professional conversation.

In other career news: I have about 5 lesson plans left before I complete my goal of being planned ahead for one month in each of my classes. I'm very excited about this.

Miss Rodeo Utah 2010

2010-07-30T16:35:00.003-06:00

Marti won!

There are a lot of things I could say right now. I could give you a run down of the whole week. Or talk about how much work went into getting to this point. Or tell you about the emotional highs and lows along the way.

But.

All I really have to say is this very important lesson that I learned from my little sister (and best friend):

If you dream about something, and you put your heart into it and work at it as hard as you can, your dream will come true.

Picture from Captured Moment Photography

Re-Discovery

2010-07-12T12:35:00.006-06:00

I have done two productive things today:

1. Went to the eye doctor.
2. Emailed some teaching stuff to my book club friend, Kat.

I have one more productive thing planned:
3. Drive to the high school. Hang up all my cool new posters. Try to be excited and not dismayed by the abundance of sinks in my classroom. I have two. I don't even need one. Meh.

Anyway, that's about as good as it gets for today. To find the documents for Kat, I had to dig through some old documents, and I found some interesting things I wrote forever ago. The following is an excerpt from a research paper I wrote in 11th grade. I'm posting it here because I was so incredibly passionate about this topic. I think that's amazing. We all need more passion in our lives.

Homelessness: America Keeps Dreaming

Millions of people across the nation are seeking after the elusive, yet
ever-present “American Dream.” While there are many ways to define the
American Dream, there is one prescribed way to achieve it: hard work. It
is also estimated that there are nearly three million homeless people in the
United States. Although they are often seen as indolent good for nothings,
the fact is that nearly 2.8 million of them have jobs. These people are
referred to as the “working poor.” Nearly one third of the homeless
population is families with children. The typical image of a lazy,
middle-aged man sitting on a street corner is simply not true. In fact,
homeless people are sometimes called the “invisible poor” because it’s often
hard to tell that someone is homeless. This is because they may lead
seemingly normal lives. Americans use the stereotypical images of the
homeless to shift the failure from society as a whole to individual
groups.

Many people complain of the homeless expecting handouts and getting aid that
they have not earned. Unfortunately, many homeless people who have at
least one job miss out on government programs that should benefit them. It
is not unusual for a person to make a fractional amount too much to receive
government aid. The question then arises, if today’s society is only
willing to help those who help themselves, why don’t they? This moralistic
stinginess will not help those who are doing all in their power to provide for
themselves.

Homelessness strikes without discrimination to race, age, sex, or of marital, or
familial status. So, it is completely incredulous to associate
homelessness with any particular group of people. Assumptions about who
the homeless build walls that keep people from understanding each
other. Many people insist that they see only alcoholics, drug users, and
mentally ill people at the root of homelessness. It is unfortunate that
they fail to see the children who sleep in corners of dark alleys, the mother
who works two or more full-time jobs, or the man who must go without so that his
family may eat. These are the
homeless.

The fact is most of society sees the homeless as the blotch on America’s nearly
perfect complexion. Isn’t homelessness, after all, the simple, yet
undeniable, proof that the American Dream has not been realized? Americans
do not want to believe that hard work cannot amount to success.
Homelessness goes against the grain of American morals and ideals. Cheryl
Gorder, author of Homeless!, said “A home means we accept the mainstream values
of American life. It says that we are acceptable. To be without a
home makes people question your very right to exist. To be without a home
is unacceptable.” Indeed, it seems that homelessness is downright
un-American.

Predator Day

2010-07-08T23:15:00.038-06:00

Mike and I are always on the hunt for fun things to do. One day, he came across the Predator Breakfast at the Hogle Zoo.

The description:"From birds of prey to leopards, learn what some of the animals are having for breakfast at the Zoo while you enjoy your own breakfast. Meet some animal friends up close and make a treat for an animal friend."

Okay. How awesome does that sound? We get to see predators eat (close up!), and we get breakfast, and a treat for an animal friend! All for about twice the entrance fee, but we thought it sounded totally worth it. Unfortunately...

The reality: We arrived at the Edzoocation Center all ready for our day at the zoo, and for breakfast. There were mostly kids there, but we had expected that. Our zoo-ranger-tour guide introduced herself and invited us to get our breakfasts and get ready for the first presentation. Hooray!

And then we got to the table. Good thing we don't have some diabetes or something, because all they had were (not at all good) sugary little pastries, apples, juice, and like 10 slices of cantaloupe. It was too early for that much sugar. "But, hey," we thought, "we're really here for the predator coolness."

I still think predators are probably pretty cool. But you know what's not the coolest way to learn about them? PowerPoints. Not that exciting.

Luckily, we got to make treats for an animal friend during PowerPoint time. But not zoo friends. At home animal friends. And we don't have any of those, so I made Mike a bracelet. "Still," we reassured each other, "there's still the animal feeding part. That will be worth it."

It was finally time to go see a real life predator eat it's real life breakfast. At exactly this point, the zoo ranger mentions that our tickets did not include entry to the zoo (which we had naturally assumed) except for the animal feeding. Nowhere had this been mentioned before. Not on the website, the tickets, the first part of the breakfast. And we paid a lot of money for that. We were grumpy, to say the least, as we trudged along to the wolf den.

While we were there we got to see two wolves eat some liver out of a box. It was pretty cool. Not voraciously awesome or anything. More like, a big dog happily eating a treat cool. But, hey, wolves eating raw liver was something.

When we got back to the edzoocation center, we were a little peeved that we had paid double and gotten just about none of the things we had expected. If we paid the admission fee on top of what we had already paid, we would be close to $50... and that seemed a bit absurd. We ended up talking to guest services, and that smooth talking (good looking!) Mike got us into the zoo after all (for no additional fee), and that was great because the rest of the zoo trip was super fun.

One of my favorite stops was to see the elephants. We caught the end of a little training show and then we got to see the baby elephant. It was adorable.

We thought it was pretty neat that the giraffes stood right next to the doorway so we could tell that they are exactly 14 feet tall.

I learned an important fact about penguins. They are only found in the southern hemisphere. Not in Alaska at all. So, they don't actually frolic about with polar bears drinking Coca Cola. In other bird news, we went to this amazing bird show. The trainer has the birds do tricks and swoop right over your heads. We were so enthralled we didn't even think of taking pictures.

These drinking fountains give me the biggest kick. Best idea ever.

Despite the initial setback of the Predator Breakfast being kind of lame and making us sad...
... it ended up being a really fun day!

Wow. That's Ridiculous.

2010-06-21T19:47:00.003-06:00

Today was day one of my first professional conference. Overall, it's been amazing! Here's something though... this is a professional conference right? And BYU and the cooperating school districts have got to be paying at least $1,500 per person for us to attend.

Why, why, why would so many of the "professionals" attending this conference be messing around on Facebook, browsing all the different models of phones, and talking to each other about inane things during the presentation?

I hope that their students do that kind of stuff to them.

Oh, world... what will become of you?

I'm Trying Something New

2010-06-08T20:47:00.011-06:00

So... this summer...

I've had a lot of conflicting feelings about what to do with myself. This hasn't been a problem for me for a long time. Here's what I've done the past few summers:

2006- School. I took all the pre-requisites for my major so I could apply the fall of my sophomore year. That would include: British Literary History (to 1500), American Literary History, Introduction to English Language (a linguistics class), and Fundamentals of Literary Interpretation. You know, the light stuff. I used to have this goal of graduating from college in 3 years. I can't remember why. I did it in 4, but it was a 5 year program, so I still feel good about that.

2007-A whole lot of working. After so much school the year before, I, for some reason, thought it would be very refreshing to work 10 hour days at the library and then get Friday off. Yay, three day weekends every week! Nope. 10 hours is a very, very long time at a library. (Luckily, I worked with awesome people- hey guys, thanks for reading!)

2008- Class/working. Over the summer I had my YA literature class and a film and literature class. They were so fun and awesome and great! The reading load was kind of heavy, and reading 40 books in 8 weeks was kind of time consuming. I'm also pretty sure that I had some sort of sleeping disorder, because I was tired all the time. So, I was either sleeping or reading basically all the time. Not so bad.

2009- Be unemployed/date future husband. Which was actually a whole lot of work as I was applying for jobs left and right, dealing with constant rejection, and holding all these weird, random temporary jobs. Also, on a wonderfully bright side I spent my evenings with Mike doing fun things. That part was nice.

So, in conclusion, I am usually extra busy during the summer. I was planning on keeping very busy this year too. But, after having spent the last 9 months in high alert panic mode, I have been thinking about taking a break. It is new for me. It is a little strange and uncomfortable. But, I'm going to try it. I'm really not that good at it yet.

Before you judge, please know:
*I still get paid- yay!
*I have plenty of things to do. Like get ready for a big conference in Park City :) And help my sister get ready for MRU. And use the sewing machine my adorable husband bought me. And read books.

Okay. Now judge.

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Meta

2010-06-01T19:21:00.002-06:00

Happy first day of summer! The year wouldn't feel complete without some end of year reflection. Wikipedia says that "some evolutionary psychologists hypothesize that metacognition is used as a survival tool," and I believe it because thinking back helps you figure out how to move forward. Here's what sticks out to me from this past year.

1. I am setting an example.
In the middle of a presentation on some literary period a student raises their hand.

Student (12th grade boy): Mrs. H., you make your own PowerPoints, huh?

Me: Yes...

Student: I can tell. You always cite everything.

Me: Yeah, I guess I do.

Student (thoughtfully): Mrs. H.

Me: Yes?

Student: You're setting a good example for us. Thank you.

Rest of Class: Yeah, thanks Mrs. H!

That was kind of an odd exchange. But, it made me feel good that they're getting something positive from me. Also, I feel like I should attribute the title of this post to Dr. K. Matthews- my rad American Modernism professor- I think it's funny.

2. Make friends. You need them.
You need to be able to rant, to get second opinions, to share ideas, to borrow Diet Coke money, to sit next to someone during pep assemblies... it's important.

3. Parents May Be Adults, But That Doesn't Mean They're Mature
At a point pretty square in the middle of the year, I got a pretty nasty email from a parent about the grade I had given her daughter on her essay. She went so far as to pass the essay along to a former English teacher and quote his response that strongly implied that I wasn't intelligent enough to recognize her daughter's genius. It hurt a whole lot.

I took it to my department head, showed her my rubric and the essay. And, she was outraged by the immature things the parent wrote. Turns out we all pretty solidly agree that even if your kid is a genius, her essay (about legalizing marijuana- a topic geniuses do tend to dwell on) still needs to meet the essay requirements. And, if you're mean to me, Mrs. R. might maim you. From this one I learned to stick to my guns and not take anything some coddling parent says too much to heart.

4. Reading Makes People Happy!
Hamlet rocked the 12th graders' world (The "Homelet" (Hamlet + omelet) Party didn't hurt either). And, 9th grade girls cried when Romeo and Juliet end their lives. A couple of 10th graders read books in their entirety for the first time in their lives... and they liked them. And, even the surly 11th graders felt good about The Princess Bride.

5. Your Attitude Will Make or Break You
I would be lying if I said I was a ray of sunshine every day... really, really lying. But, I saw very clearly that whatever my attitude was would be the attitude I got back from my classes. When I was excited and happy, my students were too. When I was exasperated and exhausted and overwhelmed they tended to become exasperating, exhausting, and overwhelming. Let's just say, there were good days and bad days, but I want to change the ratio. Because really, why do it if it doesn't make you happy?

Mood Reading

2010-05-11T12:13:00.003-06:00

Today is a day for Catcher in the Rye because Holden Caulfield swears almost as much as I'd like to today.

I'd maybe even risk one good swear, but I'm going to be on my best behavior for awhile. I did a bunch of checking up on a research paper last night that was totally just the regurgitation of a conspiracy theory, and it might have gotten me put on a watch list.

Best behavior.

17 days. 2 hours. 18 minutes.

Lessons From the Kitchen Sink

2010-05-10T17:30:00.003-06:00

There is a reason people throw rotten tomatoes.

If you're ever low on tomatoes, but would really like to express your dislike of someone, I'm pretty positive that sloshing leftover spaghetti sauce that is way past its prime would do the trick too.

Ew.

Confession

2010-05-04T21:00:00.000-06:00

I am passive-aggressively sabotaging graduation by not telling anyone that the quote being used as the theme is by Seneca, the famous playwright, and not "Senica" the non-existent person with poor syntax.

Good News!

2010-04-16T17:48:00.005-06:00

It is a huge relief to be able to say... I have a job for next year!

I'm staying at the same school, so you'd think that wouldn't have been much of an issue... but you'd be wrong. Since I only had a one year contract I had to reapply for my job. Besides the other hundred people who applied, there were two other provisional teachers. The three of us were going for two jobs. And, of course, the rumors were flying. One week there was no hope, and the next week there was no reason to worry. It was exhausting.

Finally knowing that Mike and I will not need to move in to my parent's basement or a set up a tent under an overpass or something is nice. So is the fact that we now have some security. Unlike last year, I actually get a full contract this year. All teachers with less than three years are provisional, but this means that I have the job until I don't want it any more, or if something catastrophically bad happens.

Another perk is that I will no longer be teaching all four grades. In case it's not immediately apparent- that's not super easy. To illustrate... My district has a New Teacher Academy every other month. A woman I from my home stake (a very cool English teacher from Lehi) is one of the people in charge. She came over to give me a hug and say hi. When I told her what I was teaching, she grabbed my hand in an encouraging squeeze and said, "Oh, honey. I'll pray for you." So, the change is I will only be teaching 9th (2 classes), 10th (1 class), and 12th (3 classes). Not a huge change, but it will dramatically reduce my workload.

Perk number three is that I will be teaching mostly 12th grade classes. I love my 12th grade class! I'm hoping I've just found my niche and this isn't just a good mix, but I've had a lot of success with them. At the beginning of the year it was tough to keep them awake, but now they argue over who gets to read parts in class. We just finished Hamlet, and as they requested we had a Hamlet Omelet party on the day they did their presentations. It was so fun! And, they did such a good job! Like, it made me tear up a little bit because I was so proud of them. Yeah... I get like that sometimes.

Status Updates

2010-04-09T12:09:00.002-06:00

Research Papers: Graded.

Plagarized Research Papers: Three. One may be accidental. All fully documented. Thanks Google.

Punishment/Course of Action for Plagarized Papers: Not yet decided. (Yes, should have already been decided... but still not.)

Apartment: Messy. But, the papers are graded.

Curtains: We have some in the living room now!

Car: Oil changed. Even with discounts I got suckered into paying $70. But, no more lectures from my concerned father.

Other car: Rescued from accidental abandonment at the park and ride.

Sleep: Far above weekly average.

Harry Potter Series: Finally finished. It is perhaps a small miracle that no one (including those chatty 7th graders) gave away the ending before I could finish it. Not sure why it took so long to get the motivation to finish it.

Husband: Adorable. And late for work. ;)

Self: Happy, happy, happy.

Number of Hours Until Mini-Vacation: 1.5. Cannot wait!

Reasons Why Spring Break Needs to Come NOW

2010-03-22T17:52:00.002-06:00

I don't even hear the alarm clock anymore.
Those American culture research papers will continue sitting on my front room floor until I get real motivated... which won't happen until I get some sleep.
My tolerance for a certain 10th grade girl who alternately colors in coloring books and braids friendship bracelets during class is no longer existent. I may ask her to leave. Maybe she can go hang out in the daycare where her talents would be appreciated.
I want to make more curtains!
I need to finish reading the 7th Harry Potter book...
The real reason I went to work today was because the English department bought me Costco chocolate cake for my birthday.

For My In-Laws

2010-02-25T15:12:00.002-07:00

I heard the grossest story ever today. About gross teenagers doing gross things.

Let's just say...

Someone saw something nasty in the elevator.

Compare and Contrast

2010-02-20T23:32:00.002-07:00

A lot can change in a year.

Last February...

I was living alone in a strange little garage apartment, and I liked that... until February. That was not a good month. I hate February always, but that one was particularly bad. Lauren was out of the country... and I missed her. I was too busy to hang out with friends... or they were too busy to hang out with me... it's unclear and unimportant at this point. Of course, there were lots of wonderful people who were around and supportive. Susie and I had some bad day student teaching stories to share, because, by February, the honeymoon period was definitely over with the 7th graders. By February, I was, you know, getting kids suspended (yeah, I'm hardcore). In order to stave away the gloom, I started reading lots of blogs, including my now sister-in-law's. Which is really what led to this February being so much better, because that's what threw Mike back into my life.

This February...

I'm living in a cute little apartment with my best friend in the whole world. And, I'm going to make us some adorable curtains... eventually. I don't have time to get bored since I'm teaching the entire spectrum of high school English (if I missed anything in my own high school education, I've learned it this year).

This February, I got to enjoy the true spirit of Valentine's day... meaning I wanted to buy Mike everything in the world and make him cookies with little heart sprinkles. He, by the way, is the king of doing adorable things.

First off, we started things on Friday night by exchanging gifts and going to see The Lightning Thief. I got him an iPod cover and some tie hangers, and he got me a book and some chocolate (which is, you know, perfect). Saturday we spent a lot of our gift card money, which was very fun. And, Sunday was great. For breakfast, Mike made me heart-shaped M&M pancakes and I made him some tasty potatoes (thanks Lauren!). Then, we snuggled up and listened to a good chunk of Catching Fire. We went to church (yay for church), and then we came home and he showed off his culinary skills some more with...

Shrimp appetizer.
Lobster.
Steak.
Roasted broccoli.

Yeah. He doesn't mess around with the being romantic stuff.

And it doesn't end on Valentine's day. This very week, he sweetly agreed to come with me to my 3 day professional development conference in July... at the Utah Shakespearean Festival! Hooray!

I never would have guessed last year how much better this February would be, but it's a pretty significant improvement. I'm pretty excited about it all.

A Very True Story

2010-01-26T19:56:00.015-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who loved to read. This girl (Aubrey was her name), read many, many books: books about historical events, books with lovely descriptions, books with mysteries. But, her favorites books always had something to do with love, and they always had a happy ending.

As the girl read these books filled with love stories she began to imagine what her own happy ending might be like. At first she was fearless and bold, and she imagined a handsome knight in shining armor who would be kind but brave, intelligent yet humble, and funny, but never at someone else's expense. But, as the girl grew up (and read more books) she learned that such a person was hard to come by.

She met many knights, but none of them were what she was looking for. There were handsome knights, funny knights, knights who spoke like poets, and even a few dastardly villains in disguise, but none of them were the type of knight that a girl who reads books would want to sweep her off her feet. In truth, the young girl began to despair that the love stories she had read were purely works of fiction.

Then, one day, when the girl had nearly stopped believing in the books she read, a very special knight appeared. And he was everything she had ever dreamed of... plus some. The knight did sweep the girl off of her feet, not in the way she had imagined, but in a better way. Before very long, the knight and the girl were married.

The day of the wedding was beautiful and perfect in every way. And, at the end of the beautiful and perfect day, the knight and girl rode off into the sunset as far as they could go, and when they got to the ocean, they stopped. They stayed in a lovely place

And he bought her lovely jewelry (the kind she had always wanted).

And took her to nice places to wear her new jewelry (and which also delighted the knight, who loves a good prime rib dinner).

And they had adventures in places that were exciting and a little shady.

He bought her overpriced tickets to see a mummy (and then comforted her when there was no actual mummy and just a mummy case).

And he even shared his ice cream with her.

And, basically, they were very, very happy. The end (for now).

How We Do It

2009-12-24T03:29:00.001-07:00

I do believe I said I'd write about buying Mike's wedding ring. I think I'll also write about buying mine. Just keep in mind, we like to keep things adventurous. And mildly shady in some cases.

My Ring: Truth be told, we were secretly semi-engaged for a good chunk of time. We (read: I) were pretty sure we were crazy because things had happened so quickly, so this was a time wherein we considered, hypothetically, what it might be like should we get married. We liked that, so then we moved to officially engaged but the kind where you only tell your families because there isn't a ring, and in today's world people need that blingy proof. Eventually we decided we couldn't go on not telling everyone in the whole entire world that we were in love and getting married, so we went to Claire's and bought a fake engagement ring. Now armed with a $7 ring we made visits, sent out mass texts, and changed the facebook status. We also made an appointment with the Mysterious Jeweler, recommended by one of Mike's sisters.

MJ runs a very cool, and very unusual business. I quite liked him, and I love my ring. But, getting the ring was still an unusual experience. Firstly, it's important to understand that he is a jeweler jaded by the industry and doing his part to right some wrongs by doing things very differently. He only accepts customers through recommendation and does every thing by custom design, and doesn't make you pay the outrageous amounts most jewelers do.

The unusual part of the experience came from how careful he is to keep things low key. Our instructions for getting to his office were something along the lines of:
Go to the bank across the street from the gas station on X street. There will be steel doors propped open, enter there. Go up the stairs to the second floor. Turn right. There will be a blacked out door on your right. Knock on it and I'll let you in.

Is it just me, or does that seem a little ominous? I admit I asked Mike if our jeweler was also a drug dealer. He wasn't. He was very kind and helpful though, and capable of interpreting my desire for a "swoop" ring. The ring he made for us is gorgeous and I love it very much. And he delivered it just before the fake ring permanently turned my finger green.

Our experience with Mike's ring was strikingly similar.

Mike's Ring: The reason we didn't go back to MJ is because Mike wanted a tungsten ring, which we couldn't get from MJ. It turns out, in fact, that we couldn't get it a lot of places. I started searching the websites for all the jewelry stores I knew of in Provo, and most of them didn't carry tungsten rings, or only had a few to choose from. In desperation, I turned to google, which promptly directed me to a company that specializes in men's tungsten wedding bands. Perfect. I send the link to Mike, who immediately finds what he wants. Oh, and did I mention they were having a huge sale that day? So, I call to find out where they're located and we set up an appointment to look the ring over, get it sized, etc.

Address in hand, we head off to the jewelry store. Or, the mall? Or, a small rented office? Nope. A huge house in the middle of a bunch of other huge houses. We were slightly confused, but we went to the door anyway. A tiny kid answers. Odd. Then a man comes to the door, introduces himself, and invites us in. He takes us to the basement (totally weirded out at this point, wondering if I've found a murderer posing as a jeweler) where there are lots of dead animals mounted on the walls (does not help the creepy factor) including a moose with a Santa hat (that made Mike happy) and, finally, a display case full of tungsten rings (phew).

Again, things worked out fine. Mike found exactly the ring he wanted, and the price was about a third of what I had expected.

We've been really lucky, and I'm not going to lie, I hope that streak of good luck holds up.

Wherein I Kick Adversity's Butt

2009-12-03T16:47:00.005-07:00

You know how you always get sick at the worst possible time? (or is that just me?)

Yeah. That happened.

Yesterday, after parent teacher conferences I came home with a throbbing, aching head. Maintained consciousness only long enough to make dinner, throw up dinner, and watch the end of my favorite Christmas movie. But, not long enough to finish my lesson for my very important evaluation that I had today (important as in it goes on my permanent file as a teacher).

So, much sleep, several meaningful prayers, and one early morning PowerPoint party later... I headed to school... with another terrible headache.

Second period rolled around, and... it went so well!

I had decided to do a lesson about colons, because I love grammar, and my students love our grammar lessons too. Truly. They all participate and then go crazy using whatever we learned in their writing (there have even been reports of text messages containing semi-colons).

They wrote fabulous titles, lists, and compound sentences using colons. They asked just the right number of questions, and misbehaved in minor ways the exact number of times I would have wished for (part of your score is for correcting misbehavior). I need to come up with some sort of treat for them. They're always a good class, but this being perfect was quite intentional on their part.

Then my administrator and I went over my score (I sort got an amazing score) and her notes. She left. I turned off all the lights and laid on the floor on my office willing my head not to explode. Which apparently worked since I feel totally fine now.

p.s. I will write about things besides teaching sometime soon. Probably about the time that Mike and I bought his wedding ring from some random guy's store... in his basement. That was a good time.

Scarlet Letter: Facebook Version

2009-11-23T21:02:00.010-07:00

Sometimes, I feel like I am running out of ideas. And time. Or, more frequently, I have run out of time to come up with ideas. This happened recently when I was trying to come up with some sort of clever/meaningful review activity for the 11th graders as they finished The Scarlet Letter.

Luckily, I had a little memory flash to when Elliespen showed me some funny and clever literary adaptions. The uniqueness of these adaptations was that they were done in Facebook Newsfeed style... that's right Pride and Prejudice and Hamlet in Facebook form. So... I stole the idea, and I showed those versions to my class and had them each write 10-15 things to contribute to our Scarlet Letter version. I compiled them (and spiced them up a little), and we ended up with a very successful final product.

**Quick note: There are definitely spoilers here; reader beware. Also, this is a little extra thorough because it was their test review. And, this is text only, the one they got looked all Facebook-y too. Enjoy!

Custom House Clerk is new to Facebook: Scarlet Letter Addition.
Roger Chillingworth is offline
Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale are now friends
Hester Prynne is in a complicated relationship
Pearl is online
Hester Prynne, the Arthur Dimmesdale and 200 other friends are attending “Scaffold of Shame” hosted by Puritanical Judges
Hester Prynne feels embarrassed and full of shame.
The townspeople really want to know who the dad is.
Hester Prynne is not telling. Ever.
Arthur Dimmesdale is feeling guilty.
The townspeople became a fan of Arthur Dimmesdale
Roger Chillingworth is online
Hester Prynne and Roger Chillingworth are now friends
Hester Prynne is shocked by the appearance of an old acquaintance.
Roger Chillingworth isn’t really surprised, he should have seen this one coming.
Roger Chillingworth became a fan of Getting Revenge on the Guy Who Had an Affair with Your Wife
Hester Prynne just promised to keep a really big secret…
The townspeople became a fan of Hester’s Sewing
Hester Prynne thinks little Pearl is angel sent from heaven to help her through her hard times.
Roger Chillingworth and Arthur Dimmesdale are now friends
The townspeople don’t think Hester should be a mother. She’s too wicked.
Hester Prynne really appreciates Mr. Dimmesdale’s help convincing the governor to let her keep Pearl.
Arthur Dimmesdale is still feeling guilty, but he’s glad he could help.
Arthur Dimmesdale is a little leery of his new roommate.
Roger Chillingworth took the “Who is the most likely partner in Hester Prynne’s Adulterous Affair?” quiz. His result was Arthur Dimmesdale.
Arthur Dimmesdale tried to confess… didn’t work.
Roger Chillingworth just saw a scarlet “A” on someone’s chest, BUT not on who you’d think…
Arthur Dimmesdale feels like torturing himself : (
Arthur Dimmesdale is going for a walk… to the scaffold… but for no particular reason…
Reverend Mr. Wilson, Hester Prynne, and Roger Chillingworth are attending “Governor Winthrop’s Deathbed”
Arthur Dimmesdale has invited Hester Prynne and Pearl to attend “Stand on the Scaffold in the Dark to Ease My Conscience”
Arthur Dimmesdale is not attending Pearl’s event, “Stand on the Scaffold with Us Tomorrow… in the LIGHT”
Hester Prynne is really not sure why she’s standing here.
Roger Chillingworth totally saw that!
Arthur Dimmesdale and Pearl are now friends
Pearl poked Arthur Dimmesdale
Hester Prynne is shocked at the condition of Arthur Dimmesdale
The townspeople are weirded out by the meteor and the “A” in the sky… must be because Governor Winthrop was such an angel!
Pearl wants to know what the deal is with the scarlet letter
Hester Prynne is going to tell Chillingworth to leave Dimmesdale alone. She’s had enough of this!
Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale are attending “Meeting in the Woods”
Pearl just made and awesome seaweed scarf! Check out my pics!
Hester Prynne totally still loves him, and… she thinks he loves her too!
Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale are attending “Escape Boston So We Can Have a Happy Life”
Arthur Dimmesdale is afraid that Pearl won’t like him
Pearl is grossed out. Dimmesdale kissed her forehead! Ew!
Hester Prynne bought her tickets! With one extra ; )
Roger Chillingworth bought his tickets too. Ha.
Arthur Dimmesdale is writing an AMAZING speech!
The townspeople, Arthur Dimmesdale, and 3 other friends are attending “Election Sermon”
The townspeople loved Dimmesdale’s speech!
Arthur Dimmesdale confessed (finally!)
The townspeople took the “How Well Do You Know Arthur Dimmesdale?” quiz. Their result is “Not Very Well at All.”
Arthur Dimmesdale’s account has been deleted
Hester Prynne and Pearl are attending, “Let’s Get Out of Boston!”
Roger Chillingworth is leaving everything to Pearl
Roger Chillingworth is offline

Notes to the World (Not a Rant)

2009-11-12T15:40:00.008-07:00

To: The Copy Ladies,
Thank you for always being so nice to me, for learning my name the first week of school, and for never complaining when I have last minute copy jobs. Most days, you're my favorite people at the school.

To: The Janitors
Thank you for letting me into the building that one day when I left my wallet there. And for cleaning my room. And for just being nice.

To: The District Language Arts Mentors
I love you! Your meetings are always helpful and never tedious. You give me lots of materials and ideas that I can actually use. And, there are always snacks.

To: A Certain Locally Popular Gas Station
I very much appreciate that you consistently carry Vanilla Coke. I'm not sure why everyone else is so wishy washy about it, but I know I can count on you!

To: Camille (my library friend)
I wish you were around so I could tell you about how awesome life has been lately. But, I'm also pretty glad you're busy being the coolest sister missionary ever.

To: The English Deptartment at MRJHS
Thank you for lending me some books for the 9th graders. I would be seriously sunk without your (completely unexpected) generosity.

To: My Book Club
Have I ever mentioned that I really, really like all of you? And I think you're brilliant? I'm glad we make time to get together. It keeps me going when I get bogged down.

To: A Particular 10th Grader
Thank you for saying, and I quote, "What? That's it? Semi-colons are easy!" That made me feel like I did a good job :)

To: Last Year's 7th Graders
I still miss you. I keep the certificate you made me in my office at the high school and people always comment on it. Sometimes I tell people random facts about Al Capone (because I can) and I hope you do too. I'm trying hard to stay "legit."

To: Lauren
Let's write another silly story. And make Mike read it ;)

To: Mike
I'll tell you your note in person... the internet would be grossed out by the gushy things I have to say to you.

Considering Appearances

2009-10-28T17:02:00.010-06:00

Today, I made my students question their intelligence... and I laughed about it until I almost cried.

Whole story:

My 10th grade classes have been doing a unit about identity. One of my goals for this year is to do more activities that use the different styles of learning (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc). Kinesthetic (learning through touching and moving) is probably the hardest one for me to include in my lessons because it's so opposite of how I learn. But, for today's lesson I had the bright idea of having them use playdoh to create a symbol to represent themselves. I wasn't really sure how it would work out, but they loved it and it met all of the learning objectives perfectly.

Now, one tiny bit of background information. My classes are unusually small. This is the one advantage I have this year. My biggest class is about 32 kids and my smallest is about 15. The others are all around 20-25.

Okay, so tiny little class of about 15 tenth graders are happily sculpting their symbols while listening to The Nightmare Before Christmas and all is well. Then, these two guys come in looking for the teacher I share my classroom with. Seeing he isn't there, they begin to leave, but one of them pauses, leans over to a girl and says quietly, "I didn't know you were in a resource class."

She replies (rather loudly), "This isn't a resource class!" Hearing this the other students get this sort of confused and sad look on their face as they look around at the tiny class and then look down at their playdoh.

At first I felt terrible and assumed that I was just a horrible, horrible teacher that made them do silly things. They assured me that our class was fine (and they in fact really like it... but... they had always wondered why the class was so small. Then, they were asking me (as they pat and mold their playdoh creations) if it really was a resource class and the school just had some sort of agreement with their parents so they wouldn't find out. That's when I laughed so hard I almost cried. They laughed too.

*side note: you should read this post by my wonderful friend Lauren. It's the whole story I never told you because I was busy being vague.

Minor Difficulties

2009-10-15T16:23:00.003-06:00

Last Friday, Mike and I went to the ballroom dance social at the high school. It was a lot of fun. A bunch of my students are on the team, and actually were in charge teaching the dances to the public. Which was great, except for how every time we'd start to get tired and think about sitting down for a song a new student would pop up and offer to teach us a new dance. They were so cute and enthusiastic that there was really no way to turn them down. Mike is a great dancer, and I didn't harm myself or anyone else, so I count that as a success.

Funniest/most awkward part of the evening had to do with some mistakes being made about my age. Basically, I get mistaken for a high school student at least once a day, and it doesn't really bother me all that much. But, it gets really uncomfortable when a student mistakes you for a student... and asks you to dance. Yep. That happened. I just smiled and explained that I was just going to dance with my fiancé. He looked a little weirded out too.

If You'll Excuse an Expression I Use...

2009-09-22T16:48:00.006-06:00

I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

And (in case you haven't heard) we're getting married!

Ever So Punny

2009-09-10T15:37:00.002-06:00

My 12th grade World Lit. class just finished reading "The Epic of Gilgamesh." It's... not that exciting really. BUT it is a pretty big deal because it's more or less the first written literary text that has been discovered at this point. The story (or at least the part we read) goes something like this:

Gilgamesh is 2/3 god and 1/3 human and the king of the Mesopotamian city, Uruk. And he's kind of a jerk, so he has all these run-ins wherein he upsets various gods and goddesses. Thanks to one run-in, his sidekick, Enkidu, dies. Gilgamesh becomes deeply aware of and concerned with his own mortality and goes on a quest to find the secret to immortality (this, of course, is the epic quest). He goes to a prophet-type figure who tells him his worthiness for the secret must be tested. The test is for Gilgamesh to stay awake for 6 days and 7 nights- and he promptly falls asleep for days, and days. Fail.

Then, the prophet figure feels bad for him and tells him to pick up a plant on his way home that makes old men young again. This isn't immortality, but it's close-ish. Gilgamesh gets the plant and cheerfully heads back to Uruk, but on the way he takes a little break and a sneaky snake steals his plant. And he is distraught for a while (according to the 12th graders, "cries like a baby"), until he goes back to Uruk has a change of heart, tells his story, and becomes a good king.

Now, during our discussion, I asked them if they thought that Gilgamesh was successful at all in his quest. They said nothing (they were more or less asleep thanks to the soothing voice of the man on the recording we listened to). So I explained the two essential views-

1. He succeeded in a way because by telling his story and sharing his knowledge he ensured that he would be remembered. Evidence- we are still reading about him and talking about him thousands of years later.

2. He failed. He was on a quest for immortality, and he didn't get it. In fact, this is literally an "epic fail."

Response: "Epic fail, ha, I get it... it's an epic! And he failed!"

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all year.

Some Notes From My Career

2009-08-25T16:25:00.007-06:00

It's probably best that I didn't have much time to post until now as it turns out that stress makes me a little complainy and grouchy and in need of "Death by Chocolate" ice cream (thank you Mike!). But, as of today I am caught up with planning (which is all I can ask for at this point), have had a nap, and am perfectly capable of giving a balanced report of the job so far.

Most important lesson learned thus far: be honest. I am on all four of the grade level teams, and so I had a ton of curriculum planning meetings. I was feeling totally overwhelmed and guilty because everyone else had everything planned in some detail. I most definitely did not. After much vague description of a fake sequence of units, I finally just came out and said, "Yeah, I got hired a week ago and I am teaching four entirely different classes. I don't really have anything planned, and I'm probably going to copy whatever you do." And then everyone realized, "That girl might need some help." And I didn't have to lie anymore. Much better.

Next lesson: high school is not at all like jr. high. Call me crazy, but jr. high was a ton easier. There are a lot of reasons why, but on the flip side of that there are some fun things about high school. Like not having to teach them how to staple their papers, which may have been a continuous issue for the 7th graders. It's also very interesting to teach all four grades- the differences between the grade levels is a lot more pronounced than you'd think.

Also, turns out, the word "dialogue" is both a noun and a verb, but when it is used as a verb it makes me gag and roll my eyes in derision. Sorry about that everyone in all of my meetings.

Successes (thus far):
*A short discussion with a 10th grade class about how zombies are totally "in" right now won me some major brownie points.
*I read the 1st chapter of a book about the English language with the 12th graders (all linguistic-y and cool) and they now want to read the entire book. And love learning about English.
*My parts of speech review with the 9th graders today was more or less amazing. We played a game where they took word cards (like the refrigerator poetry magnets) and had to race each other to make sentences with certain parts of speech (1 adverb and 2 adjectives, or 2 prepositions and 2 conjunctions, etc.). Sort of great and terrifically educational. At first no one can label a single word, but mid-game they're explaining, "No, this is an adverb not an adjective because it describes how she ran."

Yep. I'm a teacher.

If You Love Me You'll Help Me

2009-08-14T13:55:00.003-06:00

I got a job! I'm going to be teaching at W******* High School! I pretty much couldn't be happier.

It does get a little complicated, however when you consider:

School starts on Thursday.
I am teaching 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade classes.
Most of my teacher stuff is more jr. high oriented.

So, here's where you step in to help me plan 4 different year long curriculums without losing my mind (as much). Please, please, please comment on this post and tell me which books you read in high school and which grades you read them in. And, if you really loved or hated them you could mention that too. Thank you internet friends!

Also, I really do want to thank everyone who has been so supportive and optimistic this summer. I kept expecting to find myself in the depths of despair, but there was always someone there to keep me going. And I very much appreciate that.

"I intentionally wrote it out to be an illegible mess"

2009-08-11T08:44:00.000-06:00

So, I have this perverse pleasure in being vague. You can't really get away with that a lot, but, the blog happens to be free game. The rules of this post, then, are that I get to be as vague as I want and refuse to illucidate anything that doesn't make sense.

Originally I meant to write a post about inertia and how it's easy to get going in a certain direction in life and then be resistant to change. It was quite clever, I promise. But, before I could write it everything changed and the inertia I thought I was dealing with got blown to pieces by several unforeseen forces. Which was great, because I never particularly liked physics much anyway.

Here's (part of) what came up:

*Renewed hope in the teaching plan. Still no real leads, but there is hope. And hope is nice.

*A job at a publishing company as an editor. How cool does that make me sound? Best part- absolutely flexible around the teaching plan and, as a bonus, I get to work with some ridiculously awesome and very intelligent people. And I get to read literary criticism all day which might be helpful for the back-up plan.

*Someone who is perfect company for adventures (big and small).

*I finally get to go on a vacation!

If You Put Together Many Things I Love...

2009-07-31T16:52:00.002-06:00

I love Alice in Wonderland

I love Lewis Carroll

I love the rabbit-hole theory

I love literary adaptations

I love Disney

I love Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, and Anne Hatheway

I love things that are creepy

I love going to see a movie on opening night

and

I love Tim Burton

Now, put them together and...

(watch this)

I know what I'll be doing on March 5th.

*sorry, I didn't embed the video... too tricky for me to figure out without the proper motivation.

As Requested

2009-07-29T09:20:00.012-06:00

What MRU looks like...

1. Preparation: This is a tiny glimpse of what our house looked like in the week preceeding MRU. We were a clothes-sewing, boot-painting, sequin-glueing workshop.

2. The Parade: I like parades. And, I liked seeing the Osmonds at this parade.

Of course, this is the person I really went to see:

3. The Rodeo(s):

The contestants and the clown. (that sounds like the title of some strange novel)

This is our little group: my mom, Marti, me, and behind us the SSIR Queen Coordinator, Kris (of Kristi Q designs), Kenzie, and Kasey. My dad is in like two pictures because he took all of them. He was there though : ) Also, the contestants were sequestered the whole week, so this was the first time we got to talk to Marti. It was a looong week.

4. Coronation: This is the royalty (Marti is the one in light pink)

And, this is how the celebration looked:

How Things Went Down

2009-07-25T01:18:00.010-06:00

Marti got 1st Attendant at MRU! Yay!

I realize I'm kind of a biased source, but trust me, she did an amazing job this week. And, to do that well your first year is really remarkable.

There are like ten million things I would love to write about that happened this week. In hopes of making it a little less tiresome for you devoted readers, we're going to try a multi-genre experiment today and I'll tell you about what happened to me through a little Q&A.

Questions about the week that I would have to answer "NO" to:

Were you okay with the labelling of the cream cheese at the cute bagel place you went to while everyone else was at MRU orientation? Okay, for the record, regular cream cheese mixed with strawberry jam is not strawberry cream cheese. And I don't mean to be rude, because I really liked my bagel and the atmosphere of the place, but working at Einstein's made me into a bagel snob. I didn't expect it to be double-whipped, but I do love some legitimately strawberry flavored cream cheese.

Did anyone think you were crazy when you were really, really happy not to get the job you interviewed for on Tuesday? They shouldn't have if they did. I applied for that job out of desperation like 4 months ago. I learned something about myself through this experience: I never want to live in a mobile home in rural Utah all by myself. Never.

Did you enjoy your stay in the freakiest hotel in Ogden? I thought we were going to die. Or catch a disease. There were huge, gross stains everywhere; the carpet was coming up in the hallway; people were yelling at each other a lot; and there were people camping by our car in the parking lot.

Questions that I would have to answer "YES" to:

Did you think that releasing 50 doves to honor survivors of cancer was a nice gesture, but rather too dramatic? It was very nice, but totally incongruent with the rest of the program. I felt the same way about the sky-divers who brought in the flags the first time and the flag carried on horseback that emitted fireworks. That last one just seemed like a bad idea. And, all of it together was overkill.

Did you get a little bit giggly and pretend to swoon when you found out the Osmonds Second Generation were the Grand Marshalls of OPDC this year? But, Donny wasn't there, so it didn't last very long.

Are you a fan of attending gala events? Very much so. I liked the atmosphere of the big luncheons and the fashion show and such. It was exciting.

Did you enjoy sitting next to the regal old lady at the modelling luncheon? I certainly did. She was very nice to me, but nothing about anything that was going on pleased her at all. The size of the room was wrong, the number of people per table was ridiculous, the placing of the tables foolish, and, the steak was tough. I thought about asking if she wanted to trade and I'd eat her steak and she could have my potatoes. Dehydrated potatoes. I have strong feelings on that subject. She turned to me at one point and said, "Don't you agree this is simply inadequate?" Actually, I thought it was pretty nice (minus the potatoes), but she was fun to sit by and chat with; she reminded me of a countess.

Did you threaten to slip your mother anti-anxiety pills if she didn't stop being so frantic? And next year I'll be prepared to do so.

Were you glad to take a break mid-week and go see an interesting movie with some cool people? Very.

Were you pleased about how well the quilt did at the silent auction? Monumentally pleased. It sold for twice as much as any of the other quilts. And people gushed over it. Mission accomplished.

Did you think it was pretty awesome to sit by the river and alternatively read a book and ponder life? Amazing. It was so pretty and peaceful.

By the end of the week, did you look like you'd been hit by a train despite several attempts to fix the problem? Just in time for the thousands of pictures! Maybe next year I'll look gross strategically. Because, really, there is no better way to stand out in a room full of beauty queens than to look as terrible as you can.

Overall, did you enjoy yourself? I really did : )

That's mostly it. If you have any questions for me about the week, feel free to ask.

Grammar-isms

2009-07-17T15:36:00.012-06:00

In an effort to practice positive thinking towards (hopefully!) getting a job in the fall, I recently started to tentatively plan a super cool linguistics unit. I think it's kind of ridiculous that most English classes absolutely ignore linguistics (you know, the study of language). I think it's crucial, because looking at linguistics makes grammar so much more approachable and studying English so much more enjoyable.

There are essentially two schools of thought when it comes to grammar: the prescriptivists, and the descriptivists.

Prescriptivists= people who are all about the rules of language. They love Latin, and try to make English seem Latin. They have some French cousins who created a whole government department to keep their language "pure." They are also the people who will correct your grammar. (Don't hate me if you're a prescriptivist; I just think you make grammar no fun at all and give people headaches about split infinitives and other such nonsense.)

Descriptivists= people who believe that language is all about how you use it. These people understand that standard English is only of many dialects; each dialect follows unique linguistic rules, and is legitimate in its own right. If they were to talk about correctness, they would tell you that it depends on the context of the usage (beautiful thing called pragmatics). So, standard grammar in scholastic or business settings is entirely appropriate, but using nonstandard dialects (think of things like ain't, ya'll, etc.) is equally appropriate in other settings. To these people, it's all about using the dialect that will lead to effective communication. I am totally a descriptivist.

Is anyone still reading?

It feels so great to be thinking about this stuff again! Here are some things to think about should you like to ponder the English language with me:

*The word "you" is such an interesting word. This word is both singular and plural; in order to clarify people have applied logical pluralizing patterns and came up with ya'll and youse. At one time it was formal, but now it's informal (somewhere in language history "thee/thou" and "you" just straight up switched places- weird!). Who even knew such a little word had so much behind it?

*When someone asks you "How are you?" It is not at all incorrect to answer "I'm good." Am is a linking verb that should be followed by adjectives (like good) and well is mostly an adverb and only kind of an adjective. Well would be appropriate for talking about your health, but not so much your state of being. I was so happy when I learned that. I hate, hate, hate it when people have some snobby comment about how you really meant to say you're well; similarly the "may/can" thing. From now on, I'm just going to say, "Nope. I use adjectives after linking verbs, pal." (Thank you Grammar Girl.)

*Something I've seen a lot lately is people using an instead of a in front of an "h." Unless you're British, or it's a silent "h," it's unnecessary. The whole point is to make sentences more fluid. Two vowels next to each other is not fluid; try saying a 'istoric. Not easy. Now try an 'istoric. Piece of cake. But, if you don't have a charming British accent, you can say a historic just fine, and probably the deceptively sophisticated-looking an historic is actually kind of awkward to get out. Neat, huh?

If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. I'm kind of curious if anyone stuck with me through the whole post.

Probably Mentioned This

2009-07-13T15:02:00.009-06:00

So, I told a bunch of people about the quilt I made for the Miss Rodeo Utah silent auction, and I thought you might like to see how it turned out.

The story behind the whole thing is that Marti needed a couple of items to donate to the MRU silent auction. Providentially, she had two important things at her disposal:
1. Material featuring the Ogden Pioneer Days Celebration icon (they sponsor MRU)
2. Me and my mad quilting skills

Now, for you to understand just how providential it is that someone just happened to give her that material forever ago, I need to tell you a little bit about the OPDC's iconic image, the "whoopee girl." This sounds more scandalous than it is (I think), but whoopee girls were more or less western pin-up girls. The first whoopee girl was a girl from Ogden in the 30s; the mayor at the time was looking for something, an image, that would make people remember the OPDC. Turns out he was pretty successful with the whoopee girl idea, because whoopee girls are a major collectors item, and have been for some time.

So, OPDC is kind of a big deal, and the whoopee girls are a big deal to them, and hopefully the quilt will kind of be a big deal at the auction.

Here is a close up (sorry, you still can't see much detail):

And now I have to brag a little; my Grandma Honey is excessively proud of me for this quilt even though it's really pretty simple. Know why? Check out the middle seam... oh, wait... you can't see it! It took forever and a day, and a lot more patience then I generally have, but I matched all those scandalous girls and the cacti and fences, etc. up exactly, and you can't see the seam at all. Yay! (I know, I know... humor me.) Check it out:

I'm excited to see how it does at the auction. I hope people adore it; that would please me very much. I also hope my grandma doesn't try to be sneaky and buy it back; she is heart-broken that we have to give it away.

Now that you know about my secret but illustrious quilting career, you might ask, "What's next?" This:

Sun-Bonnet Sue and 11 more of her friends. It is taking for.ev.er. But, I like it.

I Won a Prize!

2009-07-06T17:45:00.003-06:00

One time, CoolBoy and I went to the rodeo, and we were sort of forced into entering a contest to win a truck. I got a call tonight, and I didn't win a truck, but I did win a $75 gift card to Kohl's (and having only a fake job, such a shopping spree sounded heavenly).

BUT then... you had to be at least 25 to claim it.

BUT it's transferrable, so someone who is 25+ could pick it up for me. And I have a mom!

BUT turns out my dad has to go too, and it will "only" take 90 minutes for them to pick up my prizes.

And then... my mom was giving me her "I will kill you as soon as I get off the phone" look.

Having long since realized I was never going to get this gift card, when she did get off the phone, I told her I hadn't realized that it had entailed so much hassle and we could just forget about it. She turned to me and said, "Nothing in life is free. If it seems too good to be true, it is." This, of course, brought me back to the stinky, mean real-world where I don't get any new clothes at no cost to myself and people only want to sell my e-mail address to solicitors.

Also, "Puppies, turn into dogs, who get old, and DIE!"

(I remain unmoved in my idealism, however, because if I switch over to realism I will simply have to cry. The world isn't that bad; it just isn't. Also, I don't actually like Kohl's all that much.)

Did I Ever Tell You

2009-07-04T22:55:00.006-06:00

If you google my full name, the third hit you get says "Perfect." I'm serious, try it.

What can I say?

Pretty soon it will also say "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"... because the reading strategies I developed for that novel are the other internet published work I have. BYU is pretty cool that way- the English Ed department is amazing.

I already told you about the radio ad. And, last night I got to see the bio I wrote about my sister in the souvenir rodeo programs. It was on very nice, extra glossy paper; it looked and sounded beautiful. The little girls who had my sister autograph that page will cherish it forever/ for a week.

There's the co-authored, library-bound parody, "Eternity Means Forever." Which... made people laugh, and that was the point. (yay for Saturday morning shifts with Lauren!)

And there are a few other things I've written that I have decided not to tell the world about just yet. Most are uncredited, but some are not. Some have met their deadlines, and some are still in process.

I bring this up because, today is my blog's birthday; I think it's cheesy to bring it up at all, but I was thinking about it today, and I got rather pleased with myself. In that first blog post, I wrote about writing. And, I'm still nowhere near the Annie Dillard or Anna Quindlen level... but I'm writing. And that writing is going places. (Wrangler pockets, for instance...)

When I stop to think about all the little things I've written since I wrote that first post, I'm actually just thrilled to pieces about what I've done. None of it is big or ostentatious, but it's real, and it's mine. And, hey, google thinks I'm perfect.

Hate to Bring This Up, But...

2009-07-02T09:13:00.005-06:00

Do you know what's not okay? Ignoring people.

I feel okay discussing this here, because this isn't a problem I have with anyone who reads my blog. (Well, I can't account for any lurkers, but if you're blog-stalking me and refusing to talk to me in real life... yeah, that's all you.)

Here's the thing, it's just not okay not to respond. It's not. I don't know if it's a result of how easy it is communicate in various instantaneous modes, and so now people take communication for granted, but it really is still a big deal. I think it's most offensive in personal relationships, but also professionally. Let me share some occurrences of the last few months.

First, let's talk about Potential Employers: um, did you get my application? Did you look at it? Did you hate it? I really have no idea, because you never responded to me, my e-mails, my cover letters, etc. Also, I interviewed at a school, they told me when they'd let me know whether or not I got the job... and they called a week after that. Yeah... I'd pretty much figured it out by then, but, hey thanks. I'd say it's a pretty prevalent problem. I've applied for about 50 jobs so far this summer, and very few of them have been so good as to recognize my humanity and communicate with me.

And, how about the people we all know and love? You know, friends who used to call at all hours of the night but now cannot manage to respond to a text message, or the friend who you wrote faithfully while on their mission but now they cannot manage to type a little IM response, or the favorite professor who claimed to want to help you in any way but then ignored your e-mail and in person requests for letters of recommendation twice. These are just a few that were on my mind last night when the last straw broke.

Sometimes it is okay not to respond. Those times include extremities (read: deaths, being lost in the wilderness for extended time periods, hostage situations, etc.), and that's about it. Because really, how are people supposed to take it if you don't take the 10 seconds-2 minutes it would take to send a text or make a phone call? Even if it was just to say, "Hey, I can't talk right now," that would be something.

The problem with me is I chalk it up to broken phones, shaky internet, lost mail, etc. until that becomes totally improbable, then I take it personally for all of a minute, and then it changes to this silent-treatment inducing rage. Probably not the best reaction, but also a fairly normal one.

Preventing that cyclic rage is probably why our wise forefathers invented manners.

Drat! I'll Never Get That Song Out of My Head.

2009-06-29T19:36:00.005-06:00

Here's what happened in a public school today:

* I attended the 4th grade "Utah... This Is The Place" program. The exact same program my 4th grade class did. And, I swear to you I've had the state song stuck in my had since 4th grade, so listening to kids scream-singing it only engrained it further. Drat.

My favorite parts of the program were when:

*Brigham Young forgot his line. "This is..."... and he meanders back to his classmates with a dazed look on his face while the teacher directing the program shouts, "THE PLACE! THIS IS THE PLACE!"

*During a square dance, one little girl's skirt fell down. She was wearing jeans underneath, and being a sturdy pioneer woman, steadfastly continued dancing. She kept going, in spite of the laughter of the audience, until a teacher pulled her and her partner out because kids were slipping on her skirt.

*The director of the program was actually a teacher at my elementary school. She taught dance/music/drama in 5th grade. That year I had pneumonia, and I missed a week or two of school. I also missed a big assignment that I couldn't make up and she wouldn't excuse. And, consequently, I got a D in her class. If you think I'm a little bit of a perfectionist now, oh man, you should have met 5th grade me. I was so furious! Happy to report that I felt no rage upon seeing her today, though.

*Cute children behaved perfectly all day and then left me little notes on the whiteboard about how much they liked me.

Wonderful day!

It's Officially the Future

2009-06-26T16:12:00.007-06:00

I saw a robot today. Oh, yes, I did. I saw it while I was gathering supplies for the cucumber sandwiches I'm making for my book club tomorrow. (Aside: cucumber sandwiches are among my favorite things now- they are so good!)

I took a picture:

A lady came out of the store and gave me a super dirty look. Um, you know what? If you don't want people taking pictures of your robot, don't put him on the street corner.

Oh, hooray!

2009-06-25T16:28:00.003-06:00

I paid off my car today! That means my cute, ridiculously-tricked-out-by-the-prior-owner Neon is all mine. : ) I'm not sure if you're all aware of the car troubles I've had in the past, but this car has by far outlasted and out-performed the others. Here's a brief history:

1. '89 Buick Skylark.
Color: white with royal blue interior
Nickname: "Buttercup"
I got this car in August of '03 at the beginning of my junior year in high school. It was like unto a small boat, and people found it easy to recognize me all across the county. It often smelled like maple syrup because of how I frequently left my IHOP apron in there. This car is the one associated with the most stop light pick-ups, and the time that some friends and I got lost in a freak fog, uh, storm (?) and sung Phantom of the Opera at the top of our lungs until we had braved out way home. This car struggled with sudden stops and hills (particularly the legendary Killer's Hill in Lehi). I actually loved this car, but near the end of my senior year we played musical vehicles and my dad started driving it. Soon after I bought...

2. '98(?) Buick LeSabre
Color: white
Nickname: the grandma car
This car was a life lesson about why I need to be more assertive. It was ugly and huge and I hated it; I'm still not sure why I bought it besides caving to the pressure of the salesman. It had a short life of about 5 months before The Accident. It wasn't really that bad of an accident, but it was totalled and I was totally shaken up. I was also left to the mercy of the public transit system for quite some time. That time period probably deserves a whole post of its own, but I will give you a hint of my feelings for it by this: one time, I sat down, put my hand on the seat next to me as I got something out of my book bag. The seat was wet (and consequently so was my hand)... and, oh, yes... it was most definitely urine. There are not words...

3. My Grandma's Corsica
Color: gray
Nickname: Grandma's car (less a nickname than a fact)
At the time of The Accident, I was a freshman and BYU and working in Orem, my grandparents took pity on me, and let me borrow their car for a couple of months. Unfortunately the car was very near the end of its life, so I still rode the bus part way. I spent a lot of time in the mall parking lot killing time between school and work because I couldn't really go anywhere because the car would probably die. Usually I ate Spaghettios (out of the can) or took a nap. I more or less felt homeless in this car.

4. '95 Pontiac Bonneville
Color: green
Nickname: none
After several months, my parents decided to buy a suburban, and they gave me my mom's old car. We'd had the Bonneville for quite awhile, and it was a nice car (still rather boat-ish, but nice). It worked wonderfully for me for about 5 months, and was like a merciful blessing from heaven not to have to ride the bus anymore. In about July of '06, however, the gas gauge quit working, and the gas alarm started going off at random. Eventually it started to go off every time I pressed on the brakes. People told me that it was fun to ride in my car because you got the feeling that you were a winner on a game show. In an effort to fix this weird problem, I spent every Saturday for a month at my mechanic's shop. They couldn't figure it out, and eventually quit charging me to come in. We became great friends by the end of it all. Besides the sound effects, the car continued to be functional until October. I was working at the library when we still closed at midnight, and the engine just died on the freeway on my way home. 'Twas kind of scary.

5. 2000 Plymouth Neon
Color: silver
This is the one I paid off today! It was the 1st car I ever had that was not a grandma car. And, perhaps you noticed, was the 5th car in approximately 4 years. This car seems to have turned my vehicular luck around though, because I've almost had it for 3 years. It is associated with a bunch of good memories (road trip to California with Erica and Susie, driving to Heber for no reason at all with Beth)... and some unpleasant ones (need not be mentioned), but overall, it's the way I get from one adventure to the next!

"Children make you want to start life over." ~Muhammad Ali

2009-06-15T19:49:00.003-06:00

It would be mean of me not to share the highlights of today's substitute experience. And, I am nice, so, here are some highlights of the fun I had teaching 2nd grade today:

*I always write my name up on the board when I sub, and when they walked in they all got inexplicably excited and start singing, "Miss Wardle, Miss Wardle..." like we were long lost friends. When the bell rings I start to introduce myself and they yell out, "You're [Student]'s mom, huh?" Oh my. It took me quite a while to convince them that I was not this kid's mom just because we have the same last name. Kids are not good with ages if you haven't noticed; sometimes you're 17 and other times you are old enough to have a child in 2nd grade (which I am not).

*2nd graders are nice. We played weather bingo, and that was all well and good. But, as the wee children gathered around the rug for story time and I was putting away the bingo supplies the container of several hundred foam circle bingo markers slipped from my hand and scattered across the floor. Before I even have time to react, over half of the kids have, quite literally, thrown themselves to the floor in a competition to be the most helpful and pick up the most foam markers. And, as a bonus, they thought I was ever so funny for dropping them.

*Aaand then... for story time we read The Frog Prince, Continued. It's a cute book about how the Frog Prince and Princess are not living so happily ever after because they fight all the time. They thought the whole premise was ridiculous. "Duh. All he has to do is kiss her again, and then they'll be happy." I will try to remember this in the future.

*At least four kids cornered me at some point during the day and conspiratorially whispered, "Miss Wardle, can I be your helper today?" And I told all of them yes. I'm not sure how you say no to that.

*Right now, they are working on their Animal Reports (Do any of you also remember doing this in 2nd grade? I did mine on whales.). Ensuing conversation went something like this:

Boy: Teacher! Teacher! (this is the standard call whenever students are so excited that they forget your name) I got the best animal for my report.
Me: What animal did you get?
Boy: Bunny! And, do you want to know how bunnies defend themselves?
Me (bunnies defend themselves? hmm...): Sure.
Boy: Well there are two ways. First they pretend like they are a rock. And then if something catches them they jump, like 15 feet in the air and then they get away.
Me: Oh, wow.
Boy: And the second way... oh man, this is so cool... the second way is that if something catches the bunny it emits this really high-pitched squeal out of its ears! And then the animal gets startled and lets it go.

Oh yes. You read that correctly; "it emits this really high-pitched squeal out of its ears." This boy had burst into tears for no discernible reason about an hour earlier, so I just let that one go.

Confessions

2009-06-11T10:17:00.005-06:00

If you're in my family (which I, of course, am), the summer rodeo season is now in full force. I am only involved by way of being appreciative of the western heritage and, more importantly, a supportive sister (My sister is the last one, and, yes, her bio is amazing and does not make me want to gag like some of the others do. I helped her write it, but whoever typed it up changed a couple of things... which does not please me at all).

In any case, last night I went to the first night of the Utah High School Rodeo Association Finals to watch my cousin ride, and it started all over again. And by that I mean:

1. My whole-hearted belief that rodeo hamburgers are The Best. Like, the best hamburgers, and way up there on my list of favorite foods. What is different about them? I don't have a clue. But, I do know that I will elatedly eat far more hamburgers in the next two months than I will eat during the rest of the year.

2. Every time I watch the bull riding I have a tiny little glimpse of a childhood dream; as a child I firmly believed that I would marry a bull-rider. This lasted until I watched the movie 8 Seconds (if that movie doesn't make you cry, I may have to question whether or not you have a soul/beating heart).

3. The song "Rodeo" by Garth Brooks makes my heart leap up into my throat and I start breathing extra fast. Sometimes it literally brings tears to my eyes. This is not a normal occurrence for me, I swear, it's just this song. It sort of freaks my apathetic little heart out that this happens.

I know, I know... that is why the post is titled "Confessions."

It Was Very Modern, I Suppose

2009-06-06T11:13:00.009-06:00

I was perusing my bookshelves the other day, and came across the book Native Son. I read this book as part of my Modern American Literature class in the fall. That was such a great class, and I was really looking forward to it because I love modernism.

I hadn't heard of Native Son before, but I was very intrigued when our teacher warned us that it is a very disturbing novel and we shouldn't read it before bed. I mean, that's not the kind of thing your professors usually tell you in an upper level English class. It must be very disturbing. I took it as a personal challenge, because, as you know if you know me well, I am not easily disturbed.

**Spoiler alert- Sort of. I am going to give away some of the novel's action, but it's all stuff at the beginning, and, it is a little gruesome.**

Well, I start reading (in the evening, of course), and I was really enjoying it, so I easily read through the first hundred pages- through the murder.

Here's the premise: Bigger Thomas is an young African American who lives in the slums of Chicago and has had some trouble with the law. He ends up being offered a job as a sort of chauffeur for the Dalton family- a very well-off white family. On his first night on the job he is asked to drive Mary, the daughter of the Daltons, to an evening class at the local college. But, turns out Mary really just wants to meet up with her communist boyfriend. The communists are all for equal rights, so Mary and her boyfriend are thrilled to be hanging out with a Black man. They get totally drunk, and Bigger feels really uncomfortable the whole time.

When they come back to the Dalton's house, Mary is too drunk to make it up the stairs to her bedroom, and Bigger is freaked out and sure he is going to lose his job. He carries her up to her room, and lays her on her bed. This novel takes place at a time where he is pretty much a dead man if he gets caught in her bedroom because of the strong racial prejudices. Well, as soon as he puts her down, Mary's blind mother comes into the room. She can't see Bigger, obviously, but she's trying to talk to Mary. If she realizes Mary is drunk she'll come in and figure out that Bigger is there, so he puts the pillow over Mary's face to keep her quiet. Mrs. Dalton assumes she's asleep and leaves, and Bigger removes the pillow and discovers that he has accidentally suffocated Mary. In a panic, Bigger shoves her body into a trunk and carries her downstairs to dispose of the body. He passes the ginormous furnace, and decides to put the corpse in there. But, she doesn't fit... so he hacks her head off with an ax. Yes, you can now see why my professor warned us.

So, I read all of this, and I was not really all that disturbed. It was intense, yes, but it wasn't going to keep me from sleeping or anything. It really only freaked me out the next morning.

I slept on the couch that night, and when my mom left for work that morning, she woke me up and told me I could go back to sleep in her bed. So, I did. I'm right on the edge of sleep when I my dad comes into the room for a second before he leaves for work and tosses a pillow onto the bed. He didn't realize that I was there, and he tossed the pillow right onto my face. And then everything I read the night before came rushing back to me, and I was sure someone was trying to suffocate me. I screamed; a good, blood-curdling scream, and threw the pillow across the room. I think my dad almost had a heart attack. I don't think a book's ever had that kind of effect on me before.

And that, my friends, is why we listen to our teachers.

The Day I Ate an Entire Carton of Ice Cream

2009-06-02T14:14:00.005-06:00

Things I will do once I (finally) get a job:

*Stop crying myself to sleep as I think of living in my parents' basement for the rest of my life (okay, okay, I am exaggerating- I only do that every other night).

*Buy contacts so I don't have to wear my attractive librarian glasses every day.

*Stop rationing my make-up.

*Limit my viewing of freaky-weird tv shows that I have a special gift for finding (including such gems as My Fake Baby and I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant).

*Begin paying off my heinous debts (aka student loans).

*Stop mentally stoning uninformed and tactless people who tell me that it's easy to find a job in education. Oh really? And how would you know that?

*Get rid of at least one credit card, because, really, that is not a temptation I need.

*Do something nice for my parents who have been very nice to me even though I have been a tiny bit freak-out-ish and monstrous at times during the last two months.

*Similarly, have a big party or something in honor of my most loyal and wonderful friends who will still talk to me when I have nothing interesting to say and am far less clever and charming than usual.

*Stop joking about selling my non-essential organs on eBay. I think people are creeped out by that and don't get that I think it's very funny.

*Get a massage and a pedicure.

*Go on a vacation. I need a beach, a novel, and some sunshine.

I Really Think You Should Just Not Speak at All

2009-05-27T22:50:00.007-06:00

I am all about following the rules. Yep, I'm lame like that. I just sort of enjoy the universe being in order. There are two little stories I would like to share today, both dealing with authority figures and stupid people who like to argue with them because they believe that social rules do not apply to them.

1. For this substitute job I had to go to an unpaid orientation meeting. I sat next to a mouth-breather with bad breath. He felt like he should talk to me a lot, which I did not appreciate. (Already terrible, right?) Most of the meeting was about medical stuff (which heightened my germaphobia and made me not love the girl sitting on the other side who kept coughing on me).

And here's where I get truly annoyed... An RN (that, of course meaning registered nurse, aka someone who has worked really hard to get where they are and knows what they are talking about) came in to do the first aid training. More than once she explained something and this crazy lady would start arguing with her. And then... other dumb people start trying to back her up. They felt like they should press such brilliant points as "There is a difference between The Flu and Influenza," "Swine flu will kill us all," and "If I see an inhaler I'm supposed to take it away, right? (even though you said not to) Because I don't think kids should have 'drugs' at school and I want to use the little power I have to full effect." This poor nurse was so patient and nice; it was all I could do not to just scream "Look, she's a nurse; you are hoping to be a substitute teacher (not even a real one like me, suckas) and therefore are obviously not experts in any medical field. SHUT UP!"

2. This one actually happened first, and I think is worse because it's church-related. Not that I promote blind obedience, but there are certain points that you just do not need to push, especially when it comes to, oh, say the apostles!

I teach a Sunday school class, and because of that I was invited to this really fantastic teaching seminar in my stake (larger regional Church division). This wonderful (and very nice) man who works in the Church's department of curriculum came to speak to us. He works very closely with members of the Quorum of the Twelve.

It was really helpful and enjoyable meeting, except for the part when not one, but two men decided that they didn't agree with the methods this brother was teaching. And, they felt like they should voice that opinion in the middle of this meeting. The way they stated their disagreements was fairly confrontational. I was shocked. Really? You're going to argue with someone who is getting this information directly from an apostle? Because that seems really dumb. Plus, did you really need to make it a scene and ruin this nice meeting?

I was not at all sure what to expect to happen next. I am happy to report that the presenter, although he was a pretty mild-tempered and patient guy, was having none of that. He (very nicely, but very bluntly) made it clear that these weren't just "tips" that you could debate about, these were items of instruction from men we sustain as apostles of the Lord. You listen to them. I wanted to high-five him.

And synthesizing the two into one- Sometimes you simply have to admit that you are not the expert in the room, and that is okay. We all take turns being in charge. When we talk health, it's the nurse (or Susie, who is my infallible source); if it's Church stuff we defer to sustained leaders; if it's about teaching or Victorian novels I get to be in charge unless someone smarter and more experienced than me is in the room. That's just how it needs to be for life to go on peacefully and without me wanting to throw things at people.

Something Nice

2009-05-21T18:55:00.003-06:00

Today I substituted a 6th grade class. I was only there for half the day, and I really didn't do much because some teachers are nice and leave you with easy things like movies and art projects. Also, as has been the case for some time now, I was not particularly nice or fun or patient or funny. In fact, I was sort of happy to release some negative energy by using my death glare on some boys who were particularly annoying during the movie.

But, do you know what happened? At the end of the day, this little girl comes up to me, wraps her arms around me and says, "You did a good job today." And then runs off. And, you know what? I really needed that.

I wish that on tough days everyone had someone to give them a hug and tell them that they're doing okay.

A Few Recent Conversations

2009-05-18T16:14:00.005-06:00

I went to a wedding reception and had this conversation with a friend's mother.
Friend's Mother: Aubrey! You just got married, right? Congratulations!
Me: Oh, no. I'm not married.
Friend's Mother: You just got engaged then?
Me: No.
Friend's Mother: Oh... pause... So, what have you been doing then?
Me: Um... I just graduated from college.

I felt like I really let her down. It turns out she had confused me with one of my close friends.

Relatedly, I've been substitute teaching, and at the school where I went today this happened:
Girl 1: So, are you married?
Me: Nope.
Girl 2: Duh, she's not married, she's only like 17.
Me: (probably a little defensively) I'm not 17.
Girl 1: Oh, well, are you getting married? Because I could totally see you getting married.
Me: Um... not right now.

Well... at least I'm "the cutest substitute teacher [they]'ve ever had" with "nice hair" and the air of someone who is about to get married. I guess that should be encouraging.

People seem to be truly distressed about me being single. I'm possibly going to start wearing my great-grandmother's wedding ring that I inherited and make up a fake husband.

Somebody Already Broke My Heart, But Thanks Anyway

2009-05-16T14:26:00.011-06:00

I have an astonishingly good memory for dates, and today is a sort of significant day. Don't worry, I'm not going to dwell on any broken-heartedness because that part is long over- I just really liked that line. I want to tell a story that resulted from a break-up that occurred a year ago today; it's a good embarrassing story (I like that kind). It was the kind of break-up that you knew was coming, was really the best thing, that you were about to do yourself, and that only sucked in principal and not so much in practice.

So... I had decided to break-up with this particular guy, and then undecided, and then decided to base my decision off of one last date. The date was... okay. So the totally-average-and-unremarkable-style date makes me decide to not decide just yet, but to let things keep going. BUT, on the way back to his apartment I realize that I should have just done it and beat him to the punch when he says something like, "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about..." Which can't be going anywhere good.

And thus, we broke up. I was pretty proud of myself, I must admit, because prior to this I had had this very real conviction that I would die if someone broke up with me, and I could never break-up with someone else. False; I can totally take it. I said only one sort of unpleasant thing, and it was just true. And, my head didn't explode during the long string of clichés that he fell back on (althought that was a close call. There is nothing I hate more than stupid cliché statements). I didn't even come close to crying in front of him.

But... sometimes I get these very Romantic notions (Romantic as in the 19th century literature movement, like Wordsworth and co.), and so as I pulled out of his apartment complex, I decided that it would be most appropriate to cry at this point. Plus, being broken up with just isn't very good for your self-esteem. I had to work at the library that night, so I cried all the way there, and then sat in the parking lot and cried for another fifteen minutes. I stop, re-gather my dignity, wash my face in the HFAC, and head to work (Amy N., I bet you remember this night- I loved you extra for being so nice to me that night, just so you know).

Now, the library on a Friday night early in spring term when the weather is lovely = EMPTY. At this time, I was also taking an adolescent literature course, so I had a ton of reading to do. Amy started BP in the back, and I sat down to watch the front desk and finish Story of a Girl by Sara Zarr. It's a wonderful book, but it is so, so sad and emotionally provocative. And, the library was so ridiculously empty, and that Romantic sensibility came over me, and I let myself cry my way through the falling action of the novel.

And, this is a little weird, but not really, because there isn't a soul around but me. Until, out of nowhere, some guy comes up to the desk. And I am bawling, and cannot stop. And he is staring at me. I grabbed a tissue, and mumbled something about how I was reading such a sad book as I walk over to check out his books. And... he continues to stare at me, and it's all I can do not to yell at him to "Give me your freakin' book so this awkward moment can end!!" Instead I say, "I'm fine really; I'm sorry, it's just such a sad book." And... he is still just staring with this concerned look. Now, more people are coming over. I finally just reach over and take the book. Check him out, check the other people out in an atmosphere of pure awkwardness. And then solidly rebuke myself for being so silly.

Then I went to an awesome party and stayed out til three in the morning. Which was a far better way to deal with things than uncontrollable crying in public.

Long Time Coming

2009-05-10T16:30:00.004-06:00

Happy Mother's day! It's been a pretty fantastic day today, and I thought I would add to fantastic-ness by finally sharing some treasures from student teaching... the highlights from the vocabulary unit! Honestly, I thought a lot about the 7th graders today during this very wonderful talk that was given in the singles' ward by the wife of one of the bishopric members. They haven't had children, but she is a perfect example of someone who has "a mother heart." She talked about how all women are mothers through our acts of love and nurturing. And, that made me think of my children. The 90 of them : ) And so, I present, Sentences From Vocabulary Assignments That Made Me Laugh My Face Off.... (my remarks and clever comments will be in parenthesis)

biped- something having two feet
* The chicken had biped. (that sounds like a horrible disease, doesn't it?)
* The other day I was bipeding down the street.

unfeeling- devoid of feeling, unsymphathetic
* I have this unfeeling in my foot, is that good? (ha! I love this sentence the most)
* Bob's unfeeling wife laughed at his funeral. (Ouch! She is unfeeling!)

unfortunate- not fortunate, having bad luck
* This unfortunate kid was never fortunate. (ah, I see...)

repeat- to say something again
* "Cow." Can you repeat the word? "Cow." (why cow?)

postpone- to put something off until later
* Mr. Michelangelo always used to postpone making statues. (Mr. Michelangelo?)

segregate- to seperate or set apart from others
* They segregated the two boys after they wouldn't be quiet.

* I segregated my mom and the phone for a whole week. (I love what this says about his mom)

beautiful- full of beauty
* She is beautiful she is, Ashley Tisdale. (To a 7th grade boy she must be like Aphrodite)

I love them!

Fine. Next Time I'll Do It. And DIE!

2009-04-30T14:51:00.008-06:00

Remember when you were little, and Officer Friendly, and your teachers, and your parents, and your grandparents, and educational television programs warned you repeatedly not to talk to strangers? When, I would like to know, was this policy changed? Because something happened to me awhile ago, and a bunch of people I told about it think it's practically criminal that I didn't give my number to this complete stranger (flattering stranger though he was). I, however, am leaning towards logical, practical, safe, reasonable, etc.

Here's what happened:
I went to they gym to attend a yoga class, and since I got there early, I did some cardio and then decided to walk on the track for a little bit. On my way to the track, I made eye contact with a guy who was walking towards me. He looked a little bit familiar, and seeing as I was in Lehi where everyone knows everyone, I smiled, and continued on my merry way.

As I round the corner someone behind me calls out, "Hey, wait!" Which is always an indicator that you should keep going. Or perhaps run. But, I turn around, and it's the guy I smiled at, who I can now clearly tell that I do not know.

He begins, "Hi! I just wanted to apologize. I was just kinda scowlin' and unpleasant and then you smiled at me and..." Here he indicated that my smile made him melt, which was very, very flattering I admit.

"Oh, that's okay, really." I reply. "I thought you looked familiar, like someone from school, but I don't think I know you."

This is followed by introductions. Which is followed by him asking if I have a boyfriend. My reply, "A little bit." Boldfaced lie, and it sounds like one too! (I did feel bad about that part.)

And now, The Point.

I have watched far too many episodes of 20/20 and Dateline to feel comfortable giving my number out to total strangers. I kid you not, someone, even someone who tells me that my smile makes them melt, wants my number and in an instant I am having visions of my bloody and mutilated corpse stuffed under a bush with police lights flashing all around as the K9 unit searches for the remains of that one nice girl with the amazing smile.

So if you think I am ruining my chances of ever finding that special someone by insisting that I know someone even the tiniest bit before I tell them where I live, please just think of me as the next murder mystery special on Dateline and I promise you'll change your mind.

You Guys! I Love Reading Again!

2009-04-28T11:29:00.005-06:00

I am very much a night person. I love to stay out late going to parties or hanging out with friends, but what I love ten thousand times better is when I stay up late reading an entire book in one sitting because it's so compelling that you just can't put it down. That is bliss.

I haven't done that in such a long time. I've been reading a lot over the last, you know, four years, but most of it has been... not stay-up-all-night enjoyable. But last night I read a whole novel. I didn't even plan to, but I just had to. Loved it.

This One Time I Graduated

2009-04-25T22:20:00.000-06:00

And it was great. Much better than anticipated actually. I debated even going because I can get all apathetic like that, but I went and I'm glad. I got all sentimental and loved it because I got to sit with my English teaching friends. Which meant a lot. It's a small program and we've been through a lot together. And I just love them because they are brilliant and creative and incredibly supportive. Here are some of them:People were so very thoughtful and supportive, and I appreciated it so much. Plus! I got to go to Zupa's afterwards, which we all know I love.

This is Kind of Like that Picture Book I Got for Christmas in 4th Grade

2009-04-22T11:26:00.003-06:00

Dear World (aka Planet Earth),

As you know, there is a lot going on in my life lately. I have a lot of choices to make, but I need your help. So, I have a deal for you.

I have always tried to be environmentally conscious, but I am willing to increase my committment in order for some increased good karma. I will always recycle, and encourage others to recycle. I will never litter, and, specifically, will never spit chewed up gum on the ground. I will maintain my belief that scientists did not make up global warming (which apparently is some nutty controversy). Also, I will limit my use of aerosol hairsprays.

In return, I would appreciate it if you could help me to:
1. Get a job. Preferrably my dream job (which I just applied for today!).
2. Find a sort of gorgeous dress for graduation/interviews. I know this is last minute. Sorry.
3. Get a really great parking spot every now and then.
4. Find a Prince Charming type of guy (if you have time).

These are the things I would like help with. I'm not sure if you'll have to spin a tiny bit faster or slower, or mess with the tides to get this stuff to happen for me... really any method you choose is fine with me. However, I must remind you that I am on something of a time schedule considering that my life expectancy only has about 63 years remaining, so no sands of time garbage please. In fact, if this takes too long, or doesn't happen at all... I will turn on every light in my house and eat every meal for the rest of my life off of styrofoam plates. Thank you for your time!

Your friend,
Aubrey

No Good at Goodbyes

2009-04-10T21:31:00.007-06:00

I'm terrible at saying goodbye. Ask my mom. She always makes fun of me because when I leave it tends to sound something like this, "Kay, bye!... Love you.... See you later, hope you have a good week. ha, bye.... Really leaving now... bye." So... today was hard.

Today was the last day at the junior high (do not think this means the last of the jr. high stories though!). And I knew it would be very hard to say goodbye, because I really, truly love those kids. Essentially, my goal was not to cry, and I didn't... until I was pulling out of the parking lot after school.

I did observations all of this week, but I went in to my classes to say goodbye today. I brought them some candy (which is guaranteed to make them happy), and prepared a little "thanks for a great semester" spiel... They did a much better job.

They made me "postcards" on posterboards with cute little notes. They were all great, but some of my favorites include:

"Thank you for being so cool. You are definetely (sic) my favorite teacher. I have never heard a teacher say 'legit,' but you are legit!" (I said "legit" in class once and they thought it was the best thing that ever happened in their educational history)
"Hey, thanks for a great term. You made English kinda fun." Kinda. Okay, I'm cool with that.
"Come back!!!"

They also made me a very cute certificate because they thought that a diploma wasn't good enough. The story behind it is that the other day one of my very favorite students asked me if I got a certificate for finishing student teaching. I told him that I would get my diploma at the end of the month, but there wasn't really a special certificate for it. He thought that was unthinkable. So... I was presented with the following today:

Congratulations

We the class of Ms. Miley presents this certificate to

Ms. Wardle

This certifies that she has successfully survived the seventh grade with a smile.

I think that might be one of the best things that I've ever been given! So, it's really pretty amazing that I made it to the parking lot.

Rabbit Holes

2009-03-30T23:23:00.003-06:00

Of all the books I've ever read in my life, there is one that I keep coming back to more than any other. It's called The Easter Bunny that Ate My Sister by Dean Marney (and you are probably laughing/in shock that I have read tons of literary masterpieces but this is the novel I chose to write about, but try to get past that). I must've been like 9 or 10 the first time I read it, and I've read it at least once a year every year since then. There is some sort of undeniable and inescapable truth in it for me. And, I have to tell you, that as I sit here thinking about my life tonight, it has hit home once again.

"I want to talk to you about rabbit holes...-not ordinary rabbit holes mind you... First, do any of you know the story of Alice in Wonderland? She was a young woman who went down a rabbit hole and ended up in a world that didn't make any sense to her. She thought everyone around her must be crazy and that she must be crazy, too, didn't she?
"Life is often a mystery, isn't it? Things don't always make sense, do they?... Listen carefully, because rabbit holes are everywhere and you fall down them all the time.
"Bam! Something happens to you and your life changes. Your surroundings no longer look familiar and there are strange people doing strange things- nothing makes sense- everything is crazy, and, like Alice, all you want to do is go home and be safe. When you feel like that you know you've fallen down a rabbit hole (85)."

I've fallen down a rabbit hole. There are strange people doing strange things, nothing looks familiar, and I'm really at a complete loss as to what I am supposed to do in this nonsense world.

Here's the thing about rabbit holes though, "You have a choice. You're down the rabbit hole and you get to choose. You can choose to live in fear or you can choose love. It's very simple (86)."

I choose love.

Moral Compass

2009-03-28T22:33:00.002-06:00

*A little background info: in class we're reading a (great!) novel called Al Capone Does My Shirts. Before we started reading it we did tons of research about Alcatraz and Al Capone. Good stuff, like about the "dinner party of death" and such. They loved it, I loved it.

One kid makes a snappy comeback about another kid's comment.
Boy: You just got Al Capone-d!
Me: HA!!!
Now, they all say that after someone gets burned. Love it.

After we read about how Al Capone got cut up in a barroom brawl (and thus became known as Scarface)...
Student: Do you think after Al Capone got really powerful he hunted that guy down and killed him or something?
Me: I hope so.

Hooray! They Like Me! And my shoes.

2009-03-23T21:43:00.007-06:00

*"Miss Wardle, I need an A... word in the hall is you're the person I need to see about that."

*Girl (who talks way too much in class): Miss Wardle I like your shoes.
Me: Thanks!
Boy: I like them too. I was going to say it before, but then I would sound gay.

*This made me feel better about my dating life (sorta):
Girls 1&2: Miss Wardle, do you have a boyfriend?
Girl 2: Because we know you don't have a husband.
Me (after debating about lying to sound cooler than I am, and then contemplating the fact that they might like me so much they want to set me up with their cute older brothers): Nope.
Girl 2: Well, do you have friends that are guys?
Me: Yeah, I have a bunch.
Girl 1: Oh, well that's pretty much the same thing. (Girl 2 nods in agreement)

*"So, uh... where're you going to teach next year? Do you think you'll stay here? I hope you get a job here next year and teach something in 8th grade." Complete with awkward, awkward smile. (okay, not as funny, but it was cute... plus I love that he didn't care what I taught as long as it was 8th grade)

*This one is after I missed a day last week for some university stuff:
Girl: How was your meeting?
Me: It was pretty good.
Boy: You're being sarcastic, right?
Me: No, it was really good. Why do you think I'm being sarcastic?
Boy: But, uh, you missed us right? Like, our crazy energy.
Me: Yeah... I did.

I only have three weeks left. It's going to break my heart a little bit to leave. I'm going to miss them hovering around me while I try to work, telling me stories with way too much information, the way they tell me lame jokes like they're great, the way they will stop in to say goodbye before they go home from school... It's worth it.

Let's Face It

2009-03-18T20:51:00.002-06:00

Today, I might have seen my ex-boyfriend. The one who lived like everyday was opposite day. As in, everything he said, he was sure to do the opposite of. Including when he said, "Let's definitely still be friends" (with an attempt at a sincere and somewhat endearing smile)... which means, of course, that we haven't spoken in over six months. Which, I would like to add, is 100% fine with me. I didn't actually want to be friends still; I'm just too nice to tell someone what a waste of time jerk they are (to their face anyway). Oh yeah, I was telling a story...

So, I might have seen Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day on campus today. Maybe not though. He was wearing the ridiculously attractive shirt that Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day owns, but he looked up before I could be positive it was him. In case it was Mr. Everyday-is-Opposite-Day, I didn't want him to think I would waste my time even glancing his direction, so I shot him a dirty look, looked away, held my head up high, and went on my way. There is a good chance that this was not the guy I thought it was, but it felt sort of nice anyway.

Let's face it... when we were on our (officially 2nd, unofficially 3rd) date and we heard this fantastic cover of "Tainted Love" I should have taken it as a sign from the universe. Want to know what would make this story even better if the stars have all aligned and everything I have told you is true? When the run-in occured, as I walked through the courtyard, there was some sort of BYUSA activity, and they were playing... "Tainted Love"... no joke. Irony is beautiful.

Here's What I Want to Know

2009-03-12T21:26:00.005-06:00

Why are there always really, really cute guys working at jewelry stores? I'm talking mostly the wedding ring stores at the mall. They are completely inaccessible. I mean, if you aren't getting married you have no reason to go into the store, and if you are going into the store to buy a ring, you better not be checking out the salesman. It's very problematic.

Also, on an entirely unrelated note, why, I would like to know, does weird stuff (like random drunk men joining me on stage and yelling incoherently during my song at karaoke when I'm actually trying really hard to look the tiniest bit cool) always happen to me? Even if I can somehow manage to keep myself from doing something embarrassing, something/one will come along to trip me up.

I can only hope that the aura of awkwardness I seem to radiate is sort of endearing to people. Or something.

Oh My...

2009-03-09T20:56:00.004-06:00

I officially never changed my clocks since the last daylight's savings time change. I am, in fact, that far behind in my life. I should probably be ashamed, but mostly it's just funny.

Vending Machine Morality

2009-03-04T20:49:00.009-07:00

Vending machines often present me with moral dilemmas.

For example, the other day I went to buy a fabulous diet caffeine-filled drink from the ancient vending machine in the teacher's lounge. This machine demands exact change. I'm not kidding... and, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't even have a functional change return. It strictly enforces its demands by refusing to vend anything at all unless you put in exacly 60 cents. I think we'd all agree that that is the prerogative of the machine. Well, I am more than happy to obey in order to make it through a long day. I put in my 60 cents... and it delivered my drink... and an additional 5 cents.

The whole problem is the impersonality inherent in vending machines. If I went to a store and they gave me extra money back it would be easy to return, but when it happens with a vending machine, who could possibly be contacted? And honestly, if they were contacted, they would probably think it was ridiculous. And it is. Okay... 5 cents... not really a big deal. BUT, I don't want freaking 5 cents on my conscience.

I know this is sounding absolutely absurd, but I'm serious. One time I bought a granola bar... and got two. I was seriously annoyed. The real problem is that it super much frustrates me when things don't work like they're supposed to and I feel like I'm cheating someone. I would rather the dumb thing just ate my money. That is a more comfortable feeling. I guess the secondary issue is I'm not quite selfless enough to just leave the nickel/granola bar there for the next person. I did, however, give the extra granola bar to someone in the class I was running late for and sure I was going to die of hunger in.

Truly, it is an impossible dilemma.

Anxiety Attack Catalysts (Part 1)

2009-02-25T21:18:00.007-07:00

-*- Parent teacher conferences are tomorrow. I (in my heart) believe it will be okay, but I feel this gloomy foreboding everytime I think about it.

-*- I got a refill of a prescription today for a medicine that I've been taking for like a month. Today, however, there are completely different warnings on the bottle. Fantastic. Apparently you're not supposed to lie down within half an hour of taking this medicine... that I've been taking right before bed. What a weird warning. Have I been like poisoning my brain by lying down within that half hour? Probably.

-*- 4 out of 5 nights of the week I see cops busting someone on my street. Usually they're pulling over cars, but sometimes they're at neighbor's houses. Should I feel comforted or terrified?

-*- My carbon monoxide detector keeps going off randomly. Maybe the battery is dying, or, maybe there is a poisonous gas oozing through my apartment. Whatev.

-*- My career search starts in approximately 2.5 weeks and I still don't have a functional resume, let alone a portfolio. Oh, plus, thanks to the economic crisis several school districts have a freeze on hiring. Great news for new teachers and supporters of a 40:1 student to teacher ratio in the classroom.

I'm Sort of a Walking Disaster

2009-02-18T20:53:00.006-07:00

I'm feeling a little... better, actually. The weekend was complete with one of those "I'm pretty sure I've ruined my life, but it doesn't really matter because I could probably find some minor amount of happiness in working at a fastfood restaurant, selling my non-essential organs on eBay, or perhaps just never leaving my house again and thereby earning money as a freaky hermit tourist attraction if only this could just end" breakdowns. Fortunately, thanks to a few good friends at school and a large vanilla Coke, things are looking a little more bearable. Keeping that in mind....

I nearly impaled a student today while I tried to fix my stapler. A nice girl nonetheless. Obviously completely unintentional. Perhaps along with Marxism, Postcolonialism, New Historicism, etc. someone maybe might have taken the time to teach me how to un-jam a stapler. Apparently, if you slide a certain part in a certain way it will release the spring and a hundred sharp little staples and the platform they sit on (?) will launch 5-6 ft. across the room. And, you will feel like a terrible person/a moron.

Also... SURPRISE mid-term evaluations! Hoo...ray? Really, not that bad. In fact, I did pretty well. But, I probably looked like I was going to pass out when my university supervisor showed up. Which is dangerous, because jr. high kids can smell fear like sharks smell blood.

Which brings me to the end of the day. To deal with stress/prevent another breakdown I:
*bought myself Cafe Rio for dinner
*changed into my favorite sweats immediately
*watched a scary movie (which I will regret later tonight, I'm sure)
*watched a depressing and disturbing show about child beauty pagents
*read several witty blogs
*did NOT do my dishes (they aren't going anywhere)
*In a minute, I might go put gas in my car and indulge in another vanilla Coke. Of course, it would be very unwise to develop an immunity to caffeine, so I better be careful with that.

Some Messages For the World (kind of a rant)

2009-02-14T19:14:00.007-07:00

To: People Who Disappear Off the Face of the Earth When You Most Want/Need them Around
Jerks. To you, I offer this empty threat: someday I will ignore you when you want/need my attention. EXCEPT, I won't. Because I am truly trying to be a good person.

To: The HBLL
Told you so.

To: A Certain Credit Union that Has Suspended My Account
I don't even have an account with you, so that's probably for the best. Also, thanks for texting me that information late on Friday night and then being closed on Saturday. That makes it convenient for me to figure out whether or not my identity has been stolen.

To: My 4th Period Class (4 kids in particular)
I know you don't like me; that's fine. I don't like you either.

To: Friends Who Actually Come Through for You
Thanks. I like you better than the rest.

To: Jane Eyre, Anne Shirley, Christy Huddleston, Jo March, Laura Ingalls, and Every Other Brilliant Literary Character who was an English Teacher at Some Point
You may have inadvertently been part of my motivation to do what I'm doing right now. I sort of blame you for the intense stress of my life due to this decision. IF, however, the part where I find someone as fantastic as Gilbert Blythe to help me cope happens as well, you are forgiven.

To: A Certain Nice Guy with Gilbert Blythe Potential
: )

To: Rick and Jarom
Thanks for giving me a reason to end my rant. Ice cream does fix everything.

just sayin'...

2009-01-16T23:24:00.002-07:00

-fried rice should be considered a breakfast food
-it would be so, so sweet to run my own bagel shop/juice bar
-if muppets were real, the world would be a better place
-given the choice, I would rather sleep than do almost anything else
-I can't choose a favorite book
-Shakespeare is a genius, but I still hate 12th Night
-Victorian literature has some inexplicable, irresistable appeal to me
-I could be bribed to do almost anything for a slurpie
-custard is an underappreciated dessert food
-sometimes action movies don't make any sense to me. that makes me feel dumber than dumb
-it'd be nice if a certain someone would call and apologize (or never, ever, ever showed their face again)

and I know it's going to be the 2nd half of that, but... just sayin'

What I've Heard about Love (this week)

2009-01-10T13:15:00.003-07:00

The other day I overheard a conversation at the jr. high that went something like this:

Girl 1: I am totally not friends with Megan anymore.

Girls 2, 3 and 4 in unison: WHY??

Girl 1: She is totally going out with Matt

Girls 2: That is so selfish!

Girl 1: No it's not! I totally liked him 1st and she knew it.

Girl 3: That is so selfish of you, she's just in love

Girls 2 and 4 in unison: yeah, she's just in love

Girl 3 (dreamily): I know. I was in love once... with Travis.

Yeah... they're in 8th grade.

Also on the subject of love, I've been reading this fantastic book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Eat, Pray, Love. I just started it, but it's very clever and, honestly, pretty inspiring. It's funny how the book you need always seems to find you. Anyway, I pretty much laughed my face off at her analogy of love being like a drug. Here it is:

"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you KNOW he has it hidden somewhere... because he USED TO GIVE IT TO YOU FOR FREE). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final desitnation- the complete devaluation of self."

That sounds familiar, a little bit... Love is a dangerous thing. Or, maybe it's actually not. It's all the junk on the way to love, and all the tricky feelings that seem like love, that are dangerous things.

A Little Free Advertising

2009-01-04T21:22:00.002-07:00

I LOVE Masterpiece Theatre.

Seriously, nothing brightens my day like a 2-4 hour version of some classic work of 19th century literature. At this exact moment in time, I am watching Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and quite love it. I realize this is not a passion that most other people share, but that's okay, classic literature is best experienced alone. That way, no one can see you crying when Jane leaves Rochester or when Angel Claire breaks Tess' honest, repentant heart... or the ridiculous smile on your face when Gilbert Markham finds Helen Graham and confesses his love to her, or when Jane hears Rochester crying out across the moors and leaves the attractive, but cold, St. John to go back to him.

So, if this maybe secretly appeals to you... Sundays at 8, KUED. Or, for ultimate literary viewing secrecy, you can get most episodes online at shoppbs.org.

(oh my goodness, just looked at the upcoming episodes, and Wuthering Heights is next! I couldn't be happier!)

The Year in Review

2008-12-31T13:17:00.007-07:00

I really am not much of a New Year's observer. I tend to keep track of years by birthdays because it seems a little more personally relevant. But, the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about what an astounding year it has been, and I thought I'd list a couple of highlights/important moments. In no particular order...

*I read about 60 books in their entirety which ended up being about 15,330 pages. It doesn't really look that remarkable, but trust me... that's a TON of reading.

*I got a 4.0 during one of my hardest semesters of college and made the Dean's list (!)

*I did some incredibly big spontaneous things, like deciding to live all by myself (which has been wonderful and something I'd always planned on doing, and even though the real plan was to do it in Manhattan, this works for now) and quitting my job on a whim

*Won over 93 cute little 7th graders by talking to them about flesh eating bacteria, The Office, Twilight, and various video games.

*My car was seemingly totaled after it got high-centered on a bike jump (long story), BUT was miraculously resurrected (and for a lot less money than anticipated)

*Gave in to whatever strange sleeping disorder I have that makes me want to sleep all the time.

*Wrote the 1st ever (and worst ever) Weylandian short story with my good friend Lauren : ) I've never let so many cliches be attached to my name, but I'm proud of this one.

*Wrote 3 essays in French. That is tough stuff.

*Lived on almost only granola bars for like a week.

*Was labeled as the leader of a rebellion. You're laughing, but this is true.

*Wrote a radio ad that was actually broadcast (so what if it was only in Nevada?)

*Wore fake eyelashes for the 1st time ever (and hated them)

*Forgot about worrying about what people think me.

Sheesh... that's just the tip of the iceberg! On a related topic, I really dislike New Year's resolutions. I'm a very goal-oriented person, but I think it's better to be working on things like that the whole year and not just the first two weeks of January. But, if you're interested, here are some things I'm working on right now:

*Honestly expressing my opinions. I want to be an agreeable person, really, and for the most part I am, but I am really, truly going to stop pretending to like things that I don't. For example, I ate 1.5 Oreos today to be nice, but I hate Oreos, they make me gag.

*Remembering to check the oil in my car.

*Give people the benefit of the doubt. I keep finding myself being surprised by how wonderful people are, and I think it would save a lot of time to assume that they are wonderful and let them prove it one way or the other after that.

A New Trend in Dating

2008-12-16T17:35:00.005-07:00

Dating is becoming even more treacherous than it was previously. (And it has always been treacherous, for the record.) The treachery increases almost exponentially as the disconcerting trend of tricking someone into going out with you becomes more and more widespread. In all seriousness, in the last 4 months I have been tricked into 3 dates. I realize that I am a remarkably gullible and naive girl, but I don't think that means I deserve to be constantly finding myself on a pseudo-date that I never intended to be on.
The Problem: I'm not sure exactly what is leading to the decline in up-front dating. It seems so simple to say, "Would you like to go out sometime?" And it seems so complicated to cook up some crazy scheme to connive your way into spending a few hours with an unsuspecting girl. Oh the lengths some people will go to to save face.
A Matter of Semantics: Here's the thing, when you say, "Let's hang out," a girls believes that you mean "Let's hang out." If, in fact, you mean, "Let's get dinner and watch a movie. Oh, and by the way, I plan on holding your hand," it would be more accurate to tell the girl you'd like to take her on a date. (If this term is unclear you might want to refer to a dictionary.)
The Co-Conspirator: Please do not be a co-conspirator to someone who wants to con a sweet single senorita. Co-conspirator activities would include: inviting over the unsuspecting girl and a single man and then arranging it so that they will have to be together for an entire evening in a stunningly date-like nondate situtation; encouraging office romances by assigning the poor girl to work with someone you call her "soulmate;" insisting that a girl and a man she has never spent ten minutes alone with are a truly "perfect couple" thereby encouraging the man to adopt this phrase himself to the girl's absolute dismay.
The Bottom Line: Although it may save you the trouble, potential rejection, and maybe even some cash to trick someone into a date, it will not win over someone's heart. You've already proved yourself cowardly and deceptive- and those are not generally on the attribute list of Mr. Right. There may be naive girls out there (like me) who will fall for the ruse, but as soon as they realize what's going on (naive and stupid are worlds apart) you'll have been discovered for the phony dater you are.

Entropy

2008-12-10T09:22:00.002-07:00

I used to have a problem with doing everything the day before it was due. Now, I have a problem with doing everything the day it is due. Good thing that this college business is almost over.

Well, that was exactly the sort of thing I was trying to avoid...

2008-11-04T21:23:00.002-07:00

So, I had the most mortifying experience today. First off, a little background info: I am in the middle of my English teaching practicum, which is sort of like a pre-student teaching experience. I love it. I teach three 7th grade English classes, and those kids are fantastically funny and cute. Here's the thing though... it's jr. high. I don't know if you remember, but kids in jr. high are mean. And, they can be especially mean to teachers, and even more especially terrible to student teachers. Remembering all of the horrible things that we said and did to student teachers when I was that age, I have been very, very careful not to give them any sort of ammunition. You know, keep all of my strange make-fun-able characteristics to myself. And it was going so well... until today.
What happened: I got up bright and early, showered, and then put on some lotion someone had given me. It was wildflower lotion... in theory. I go to the jr. high and do a fun little review activity about metaphors and similes with the kids. After the activity is done, I am collecting some papers, and when I get to the last desk this boy is like, "You smell like celery." I was mortified. I said, "That's weird." And I think the poor kid thought I meant that he was weird (they are very sensitive about that), and so I asked nervously, "Like I smell grossly or weirdly much like celery?" And he said "No; just like celery, it's not bad." Still wanted to die.
Great, I will be the celery teacher. She was nice, but she smelled like celery. Fantastic.
I go back to my desk and am trying to figure out why this is the case. And then it comes to me... the lotion. Wildflowers, no. Celery, maybe. Needless to say, I am not ever using that lotion again.

*On a less distressing note, here's a gem from the simile/metaphor discussion:
Teacher (not me, the real teacher): What did it mean when Shakespeare wrote "Juliet is the sun"?
Student: She's hot!
Other Student: Probably, Romeo was a ladies' man.

In Celebration... of the Potato?

2008-10-08T08:28:00.009-06:00

According to one of my favorite websites of all time (www.brownielocks.com/month2.html) and Wikipedia, 2008 has been declared by the UN as the International Year of the Potato "in order to increase awareness of the importance of the potato as a food in developing nations.” I thought that was pretty cool. So, here are some thoughts on: THE POTATO- The most versatile of vegetables... Potatoes come in a multitude of forms: mashed, baked, twice-baked, boiled, in pancake form, in dessert form (spudnuts anyone?), as chips, as fries... etc. I bet you've eaten them in most if not all of their available forms, but did you know...
* On average, people eat about 73 lbs. of potatoes a year.
* The potato originated in South America and wasn't introduced in Europe until 1536.
* Unlike other foods, the potato can be cooked in a microwave w/out losing any of its nutritional value.
* Although poisoning from potatoes is very rare, wild potatoes contain a concentration of glycoalkaloid that can produce toxic effects in humans.
I'm impressed.

To the woman who callously took my burrito out of the microwave while I was standing right there: you destroyed what was left of my faith in humanity.

2008-09-17T20:14:00.000-06:00

... at least for a couple of minutes. Here's the whole story:

On Monday, I had about an hour before my late class started. Not having time for much else, I bought a frozen burrito from the vending machine for dinner and put in the microwave for the recommended two minutes. Now, I think we can all agree that there is something of a "Microwave Etiquette" in such places as breakrooms and student lobbies. It's probably safe to say that the following rules apply:

1. First come, first serve.
2. You should always try to use the microwave for the shortest amount of time possible because other people probably need it. (I would say three minutes is the polite max, but up to four and a half minutes might be acceptable if you smile apologetically at the people in line behind you)
3. If your food explodes all over the microwave, you should wipe it up.
And finally, rule 4, the rule that really should never have to be stated: You should never touch someone else's food. That is rude. And unsanitary.

To continue: My burrito had started to cook and I decided to sit down a mere 2 feet from the microwave, and here's apparently where I went wrong, with my back to it. Having rested for a mere 45 seconds, I turn around to check on my food, and am SHOCKED to see the same middle-aged woman who had nearly me ran into while I was buying my burrito has taken it out of the microwave and placed it on top so that she could microwave a muffin or a bagel or something.

I was not really sure how to respond. My gut instinct was to flat out ask her, "Are you serious?" But, being the incredibly non-confrontational girl that I am I turned back around and did some deep breathing. I was seriously annoyed. This woman (a grown woman mind you) had the inflated self-concept to believe that she was so important (and so much more important than me) that she could not wait the minute and 15 seconds to microwave her food. Where did she get off? What was the world coming to?

When I turned back around she was gone. I finished cooking my burrito. I ate it unhappily thinking of all the germs that could have jumped aboard during its little journey. I fumed my way to class, and then... I was hit by this realization: The whole thing was ridiculously funny. She was totally out of line, don't get me wrong, but I had an unusual story to share about a woman who hi-jacked a microwave and led me to informally publish the rules of microwave etiquette. Silver linings I guess...

A list of some superb words (and their meanings):

2008-07-27T22:16:00.001-06:00

disabuse: set right, undeceive.
interpose: place between or among, interrupt with.
sumptuous: lavish, luxurious grand.
cahoots: secret partnership.
skullduggery: dishonest trickery.
virulent: like a poison, deadly; bitterly hostile.
heinous: wicked, reprehensible.
incredulous: skeptical
preternatural: extraordinary, above the average

The First Post (ooh!!)

2008-07-05T00:03:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I think that writing a blog is a little pretentious. So, I guess I should explain why I decided to start one: This is (most likely) the closest I will ever get to being a syndicated columnist. Yeah... it's not that close. Still, I feel a little like Anna Quindlen when I think about sitting down to write about my everyday life experiences and reflecting on their larger cosmic significance. And maybe just feeling that way is what I want. In any case, something worked if your reading this. (was it the blog's title? I thought that was pretty clever.)

Here's today's thought: Isn't it amazing how people decide to take a day and just celebrate? I don't think it even matters what people celebrate, it is just so refreshing to see people enjoying life. For example, today is the 4th of July- such a fun holiday. I think one of the best parts of being alive is sitting on a blanket on a grassy hill watching fireworks on the 4th. And since firework-viewing grassy hills can be hard to come by, you're not usually the only ones there. Right next to you there might be a young couple, staring at each other instead of the fireworks. And nearby will be the young family with kids who are just going crazy over what they are seeing. And, if they aren't wholly engrossed by that, they will discover the exhilerating joy of chasing each other with sparklers while nearby adults spout maxims about running with sharp, firey objects. And last, but not least, are the old people, sitting in their plaid-patterned lawn chairs talking about Bill or Sharon's latest operation. This is what I saw tonight, anyway. It's beautiful. The angriness and ugliness of everyday life disappear. This is probably the definition of a holiday, and also the same reason there are so many. I think everyday should be a holiday.